And in many ways, that is a good thing. More people are realizing that stress, anxiety, emotional shutdown or overwhelm, people-pleasing, and relationship patterns are not just “mindset issues.” They often live in the body, too.

But nervous system regulation is also easy to oversimplify.

It is not about forcing yourself to calm down. It is not about breathing your way out of every difficult feeling. And it is not about becoming so “regulated” that you never feel angry, anxious, sad, overwhelmed, or activated again.

At The Better You Institute, we view nervous system regulation as part of deeper, root-cause healing. It is the process of helping your body, mind, and emotional world recognize when you are safe enough to feel, connect, choose, and respond differently. For most people, this means a nervous system reset where you slowly retrain your body and nervous system to interpret the world around you differently.

What Does Nervous System Regulation Actually Mean?

Your nervous system is constantly scanning for cues of safety and threat. Sometimes that scanning is accurate. Other times, especially after chronic stress, attachment wounds, or trauma, your nervous system may prime itself for danger, and your body may respond as if danger is present even when you are technically safe.

That can look like:

• Feeling anxious even when “nothing is wrong”
• Shutting down during conflict
• Overexplaining or people-pleasing to avoid tension
• Feeling numb, disconnected, or frozen
• Struggling to rest without guilt
• Overreacting and then feeling ashamed afterward
• Feeling physically tense, braced, or on edge
• Feeling intensity as love, and calm as if something is wrong

These are protective patterns that kept you emotionally, psychologically, or physically safe at one point. They are not character flaws or personality issues. 

Your body may have learned that staying alert, staying useful, staying quiet, or staying in control was the safest way to get through life. Nervous system regulation helps you understand those patterns and gently build new ones.

Signs Your Nervous System May Be Stuck in Survival Mode

When your nervous system is in survival mode, life can feel harder than it looks from the outside.

You may be functioning, working, parenting, leading, caring for others, and showing up. Yet, internally, you may feel like you are constantly managing yourself, on edge, or exhausted.

Survival mode can show up as:

Fight: irritability, defensiveness, anger, urgency, control, picking arguments, chasing
Flight: overworking, overthinking, staying busy, avoiding stillness, distancing
Freeze: numbness, procrastination, shutdown, indecision, your mind goes blank
Fawn: people-pleasing, self-abandonment, difficulty saying no, saying yes to things you don’t want to say yes to

Flop: collapse, unresponsive, catatonic, fainting

Many people move between these states without realizing it. They only know they feel exhausted, reactive, disconnected, or unlike themselves. Or, more commonly, this becomes your norm, to the point where you don’t even realize you are in an activated state. 

This is why nervous system work can be so powerful. It gives language to what your body has been carrying.

Why “Calming Down” Is Not Always the Goal

A lot of wellness advice focuses on calming the body quickly. Deep breathing, grounding exercises, movement, mindfulness, and sensory tools can all be helpful.

But if you have trauma, chronic anxiety, attachment wounds, or long-standing emotional patterns, quick tools may only go so far, and actually serve as a bandaid, making things more ingrained or worse for your future self. 

That does not mean the tools are bad. It means your body may need more than a momentary redirection.

If your nervous system learned its patterns through repeated experiences, it often needs repeated experiences of safety, attunement, and emotional processing to change. This is where therapy with a trauma-informed therapist can help.

Therapy gives you a space where you are not just managing symptoms. You are exploring what those symptoms are trying to protect. Diving deep into those wounds, processing them, and coming out on the other side feeling more in control, healed, and out of fight or flight. 

How Trauma-Informed Therapy Supports Nervous System Healing

Trauma-informed therapy works with the understanding that your reactions make sense in context.

Instead of asking, “What is wrong with me?” therapy helps you ask:

• What happened that taught my body to respond this way?
• What am I protecting myself from?
• When did I first learn this pattern?
• What does my body need in order to feel safe enough to change?
• How can I respond differently without abandoning myself?

We focus this work on understanding the root of the pattern, how it lives in the body, how it affects relationships, and how it can begin to shift in real time.

That may include somatic work, attachment-based therapy, EMDR, experiential therapy, and deeper emotional processing like psychodynamic therapy.

Where EMDR, Somatic Therapy, and Attachment Work Fit into Trauma Therapy

Different therapy approaches can support nervous system regulation in different ways.

Somatic therapy helps you notice what is happening in your body, not just what is happening in your thoughts. This can be especially helpful when your body reacts before your mind can make sense of the moment. Somatic therapy helps you recognize and move through your bodily responses differently, fostering a better mind-body connection. 

EMDR therapy can help the brain and body reprocess distressing experiences so they feel less immediate, less charged, and less defining.

Attachment-based therapy explores how early relationships shaped your sense of safety, closeness, boundaries, and self-worth. Helps you make connections between what happened to you and how that drives how you show up today. 

Together, these approaches can help you move from simply coping with your reactions to understanding and healing the patterns underneath them.

Nervous System Regulation in Relationships

Nervous system regulation is not only an individual issue. It deeply affects relationships.

When you are activated, you may interpret distance as rejection. You may hear feedback as criticism. You may shut down when your partner needs closeness. You may become urgent, defensive, numb, or overly accommodating.

Again, these are not signs that you are broken. They are signs that your nervous system is trying to protect you.

Therapy can help you recognize what is happening before the pattern takes over. Couples therapy provides the space for corrective experiences that help your nervous system reset. Over time, you can learn to pause, communicate more clearly, set boundaries, receive care, and stay connected without losing yourself.

When Should You Consider Therapy?

You may benefit from therapy for nervous system regulation if:

• You understand your patterns, but still cannot seem to change them
• You often feel anxious, numb, reactive, or disconnected 
• Your body feels tense or unsafe even when life is “fine”
• You keep repeating the same relationship cycles or attracting the same type of partner
• Coping tools help temporarily, but do not create lasting change
• You want to understand yourself at a deeper level

Individual and Couples Therapy is about becoming more connected to yourself.

It is about learning why your body responds the way it does, honoring what helped you survive, and building new patterns that support the life and relationships you want now.

Therapy takes you from surviving to thriving. 

Healing at the Root

Nervous system regulation shouldn’t be a passing trend, as it can be a doorway into deeper healing.

When you understand your body’s signals, your emotional patterns, and the protective strategies you have carried, you can begin to move through life with more choice.

You can stop fighting yourself.

You can stop mistaking survival patterns for personality traits.

You meet yourself. 

You can begin to feel more grounded, more connected, and more like yourself.

At The Better You Institute, we help individuals and couples go beyond surface-level coping and explore the root of what keeps them stuck. Through trauma-informed, attachment-based, somatic, and EMDR therapy, we support you in creating change that lasts.

If your body feels like it is always bracing for something, therapy can help you understand why and begin healing at the root.

The post Nervous System Regulation: What It Really Means and When Therapy Can Help appeared first on The Better You Institute.

Not all trauma comes from a single dramatic event. Sometimes trauma develops in relationships through inconsistency, emotional misattunement, unpredictability, neglect, or the absence of reliable safety. When early relationships shape the way you experience closeness, trust, and emotional regulation, that impact is often referred to as attachment trauma.

Attachment trauma can be difficult to recognize because many people minimize it. They may say, “Nothing that bad happened,” while still struggling with anxiety, self-doubt, emotional overwhelm, numbness, or painful relationship patterns. But trauma does not have to look extreme from the outside to leave a lasting imprint on the nervous system and the way a person moves through life.

What Is Attachment Trauma?

Attachment trauma often develops when the people you depended on for care were also a source of fear, inconsistency, emotional absence, or confusion. As a child, you adapt in order to maintain connection and survive emotionally. Those adaptations are intelligent and protective.

Later in life, though, those same adaptations can begin to show up as:

• difficulty trusting others
• fear of abandonment
• people-pleasing
• intense sensitivity to rejection
• emotional shutdown
• repeating relationships that feel familiar but painful

How Attachment Trauma Affects Adults

The effects of attachment trauma in adults are often relational, emotional, and physical. Early relational wounds can shape how you respond to vulnerability, closeness, disappointment, and disconnection.

You may notice these patterns in your adult life through:

• chronic anxiety in relationships
• emotional numbness or overwhelm
• difficulty feeling safe with intimacy
• strong reactions to perceived rejection
• trouble setting boundaries
• a tendency to repeat painful relational dynamics

These struggles are not random. They often reflect earlier experiences that taught your nervous system what to expect from connection.

What Attachment Trauma Therapy Helps You Understand

Attachment trauma therapy helps people understand the connection between early relational experiences and present-day struggles. Rather than focusing only on symptoms, this work explores the deeper patterns underneath them.

It asks questions such as:

• What did you learn about closeness?
• What did you have to do to stay connected?
• What happens now in your body, emotions, and relationships when you feel vulnerable, unseen, or at risk of disconnection?

This kind of therapy is not just about insight. Understanding your past can be meaningful, but many attachment wounds live beyond language. They show up in the body, in automatic reactions, and in relational patterns that repeat even when you know better intellectually.

That is why attachment-based trauma therapy often focuses on both awareness and experience.

How Attachment Trauma Therapy Works

In practice, attachment trauma therapy usually involves a safe, attuned therapeutic relationship where patterns can be explored in real time. It may include noticing how you respond to closeness, conflict, care, disappointment, or uncertainty.

It may also involve trauma-informed therapy approaches that support nervous system regulation and help you build a different internal experience of safety, trust, and connection.

Over time, this work can help you develop:

• greater self-understanding
• stronger boundaries
• more emotional flexibility
• a more secure way of relating to yourself and others

Healing does not mean erasing what happened. It means no longer being unconsciously organized by it.

Who Attachment Trauma Therapy Can Help

Attachment trauma therapy for adults can be especially helpful for people who:

• feel stuck in recurring relationship patterns
• struggle with anxiety or disconnection
• seem high-functioning on the outside while feeling deeply unsettled on the inside

It can also support couples who find themselves caught in painful cycles that seem bigger than the present moment.

Final Thought

If early relational wounds are still shaping your present life, attachment-based trauma therapy can help you understand those patterns and begin to heal them.

The post What Is Attachment Trauma Therapy? appeared first on The Better You Institute.

With the election season in full swing, things may become overwhelming, leading to election anxiety. You are not alone in feeling anxious! From constant media updates to heated political discussions to the uncertainty of what lies ahead, it can feel like the world’s weight is on your shoulders. You may feel anxious about things you can’t control, struggle to set boundaries with loved ones, or feel exhausted by the nonstop press coverage and text or call outreaches you’ve been receiving. Fortunately, there are ways to manage these feelings.

At The Better You Institute, we understand the stress elections can bring and have compiled nonpartisan strategies to help you stay grounded and control your emotional well-being regardless of your beliefs and who you vote for. Let’s explore some of the tools available to help you protect your peace and navigate this election season with more confidence.

What is election anxiety, and why do I feel this way?

Election anxiety refers to the overwhelming feelings of stress, worry, or dread that can arise during the election season. It’s common to feel anxious because elections carry uncertainty and can affect many aspects of our lives, from personal relationships to the broader political landscape. Constant media updates, intense discussions with family or friends, and the pressure to stay informed can all contribute to these feelings. At times, it may feel as though the weight of the future rests on the outcome of this election, amplifying anxiety and stress.

How can I identify what’s in my control during an election?

A helpful way to manage election-related anxiety is to focus on what you can control:

• Your actions: You can vote, stay informed, and support causes you care about.
• Your responses: You have control over how you engage in discussions and set boundaries for your mental well-being.
• Your self-care: Prioritize activities that recharge and calm you, from mindful breathing to hobbies that bring joy.

Remember, while the election’s outcome may feel overwhelming, your ability to control your actions and self-care is a powerful tool in reducing anxiety.

Building Emotional Resilience Before, During, and After the Election

Strengthening your emotional resilience can help you navigate election season and beyond. Long-term strategies include:

• Regular self-care practices: Maintain a routine of activities that promote mental health, such as exercise, journaling, or creative hobbies.
• Positive affirmations: Remind yourself of your strength, control, and ability to manage stress.
• Stay informed without overloading: Set boundaries on how often you consume election-related content.

7 Examples of Building Emotional Resilience and Recognizing It in Yourself

1. Practicing Self-Compassion
   1. Example: Imagine you’ve been following the election closely, and after an intense day of political news, you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and worried about the future. Instead of criticizing yourself for feeling stressed or telling yourself you should “be tougher,” you decide to practice self-compassion.
      1. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment: You say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel this way. This election is stressful, and it’s natural to feel anxious.”
      2. Treat yourself like a friend: Imagine how you would comfort a close friend in this situation. You might say, “You’ve been doing your best to stay informed, but it’s okay to take a break. You deserve some peace.”
      3. Engage in a comforting activity: After acknowledging your emotions, you allow yourself to step away from election news for the evening. You make a cup of tea, watch a favorite movie, or do something that helps you relax and recharge.
      4. Remind yourself that you’re not alone: Reflect on the fact that many people are feeling anxious about the election, and it’s a shared human experience. This can help you feel connected and supported, even during challenging times.

Practicing self-compassion allows you to feel what you’re feeling without adding guilt or pressure. This helps reduce emotional intensity and allows you to approach the situation more calmly and clearly.

2. Maintaining Healthy Boundaries

• Example: A friend sends you an article to read. This particular friend and you do not hold the same political values and often get into fairly heated discussions about politics. You have an important meeting tomorrow that you want to go to bed early for, so you set a boundary.
  1. You say “no” to requests or activities that drain your energy or cause you stress, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. 
  2. You prioritize your well-being over the need to please others.

You feel more in control of your time and energy, and you notice that relationships improve because of the healthy boundaries you’ve set. See more below. 

3. Practicing Mindfulness

• Example: You wake up and begin your day. You can’t seem to get last night’s conversation with a friend out of your head. You find yourself frantically looking up articles and information to prove them wrong. Before you know it, you’re consumed with thoughts and your coffee got cold and you’re going to be late for work.
  1. Engage in mindfulness practices: deep breathing, meditation, or mindful walking, to stay present and grounded, especially during times of stress.

You become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. You notice that stressful situations don’t affect you as strongly as they once did.

4. Focusing on Solutions, Not Just Problems

• Example: Let’s say you’re feeling overwhelmed by worries about the election’s outcome and its potential impact on the issues that matter to you, such as healthcare or climate change. Instead of staying stuck in anxiety and focusing solely on the problems, you shift your mindset toward finding constructive ways to take action.
  1. Acknowledge the issue: You recognize that you’re concerned about certain policies that may change after the election. You accept that feeling anxious is normal, but ruminating on it won’t make you feel better.
  2. Identify actionable steps: You ask yourself, “What can I do about this?” You decide to:
     1. Research local organizations or initiatives that align with your values and get involved in advocacy work.
     2. Reach out to your elected representatives to voice your concerns.
     3. Volunteer or donate to causes that support the issues you care about.
     4. Share helpful, fact-based information with your community to raise awareness.
  3. Create a plan for self-care: You realize that it’s important to balance activism with taking care of yourself. You schedule regular breaks from news and social media and plan activities that help you recharge, like spending time in nature or with loved ones.

How You’ll Know You’re Focusing on Solutions:

• You feel more in control and empowered rather than helpless or overwhelmed.
• You notice that you’re taking proactive steps to address your concerns, whether it’s through volunteering, voting, or taking care of your mental health.
• Your stress levels decrease as you shift from “what if” thinking to “what can I do” thinking, allowing you to approach the election with a clearer mind.
• You feel more hopeful because you’re actively participating in change, rather than simply reacting to the news.

This focus on solutions enables you to channel your anxiety into meaningful action and self-care, giving you a sense of purpose and direction during election season.

5. Cultivating a Positive Support Network

• Example: Imagine you’re feeling anxious about the upcoming election and want to ensure you have a supportive environment to help manage your stress. Instead of isolating yourself or only engaging with people who fuel your anxiety, you intentionally build a positive support network.
  1. Identify supportive people: You make a list of friends, family, or colleagues who respect your boundaries, listen without judgment, and can have calm discussions without escalating into arguments.
  2. Reach out and check in: You start reaching out to these individuals for regular check-ins. For example, you suggest having a weekly coffee or video chat with a close friend to talk about how you’re feeling, but also focus on non-political topics that bring joy and comfort.
  3. Join non-political groups or activities: To balance the intensity of election-related discussions, you join a book club, hiking group, or community class where politics aren’t the focus, allowing you to relax and connect with others in a positive way.
  4. Set boundaries with negative influences: You distance yourself from people or social media accounts that cause you stress or make you feel more anxious about the election. Instead, you choose to engage in discussions that are respectful and solution-focused.
  5. Share and offer support: In addition to seeking support, you also offer it. You check in with friends who may also be feeling stressed, offering a listening ear without diving into heated political debates.

How You’ll Know You’re Creating a Positive Support Network:

• You feel emotionally supported and less alone during the election season.
• You notice that your conversations are balanced, respectful, and don’t leave you feeling drained or more anxious.
• Your interactions bring a sense of calm and relief, allowing you to take breaks from election stress.
• You’re able to talk about your feelings in a non-judgmental space and get reassurance from people who respect your boundaries.
• You feel more energized after spending time with your support network, rather than weighed down by stress or negative emotions.

Building this type of network helps reduce the emotional intensity of the election season, offering you a space to feel heard, supported, and recharged.

6. Embracing Change with Flexibility

• Example: The election results don’t align with your hopes, and you’re initially disappointed and anxious about the potential impact. Instead of staying rigid in your expectations or feeling overwhelmed by the outcome, you shift your focus toward adapting to the situation.
  1. Accept the uncertainty: You acknowledge that change is a natural part of life, and that elections can bring shifts in policies and leadership. Instead of resisting this change, you remind yourself that you’ve adapted to new situations in the past and can do so again.
  2. Look for opportunities: You start to identify ways you can engage constructively, such as supporting local initiatives, joining grassroots movements, or advocating for causes you believe in. You recognize that change brings opportunities for new action and growth.
  3. Stay open-minded: You approach conversations with people who have different political views by staying curious rather than defensive. You ask questions to understand their perspective, which helps you see issues from different angles and prevents you from feeling stuck in one mindset.
  4. Adjust your expectations: You allow yourself to adapt to the evolving political landscape by adjusting your short-term goals. For instance, if a policy you were hoping for didn’t pass, you might decide to focus on smaller, local efforts that align with your values, rather than feeling defeated by the larger outcome.

How You’ll Know You’re Embracing Change with Flexibility:

• You feel less rigid and more adaptable in how you approach the election results and their aftermath.
• Rather than being overwhelmed by disappointment, you find new ways to engage with causes and stay hopeful.
• You notice that political conversations, even with opposing views, are less stressful because you’re approaching them with curiosity and openness.
• You focus on what you can do now, adjusting your goals to fit the new reality, rather than feeling stuck or powerless.
• You feel more at peace, knowing that while you can’t control everything, you can adapt to whatever changes come your way.

This ability to embrace change with flexibility allows you to remain resilient, proactive, and hopeful even when things don’t go as expected, ultimately reducing election-related stress and promoting emotional well-being.

7. Prioritizing Self-Care and Rest

• Example: In the weeks leading up to the election, you’ve been glued to the news and social media, feeling increasingly anxious about the constant updates and political debates. Instead of continuing this pattern, you recognize the toll it’s taking on your mental health and decide to prioritize self-care and rest.
  1. Set limits on media consumption: You establish a boundary by limiting your time on social media and news outlets. For instance, you decide to check election updates for only 30 minutes each morning and avoid political content before bed to give your mind a break.
  2. Create a daily self-care routine: You make time each day for activities that help you unwind and recharge. This might include going for a walk in nature, practicing yoga or meditation, reading a book, or taking a relaxing bath. You ensure you have time for these activities, even on busy days.
  3. Ensure proper rest: You make sleep a priority by setting a consistent bedtime and creating a calming pre-sleep routine, such as turning off screens, journaling, or drinking herbal tea. You understand that restful sleep is essential for managing stress and staying emotionally balanced.
  4. Take breaks from political conversations: If you feel drained after talking about the election with friends or family, you give yourself permission to step away from those conversations for a while. You politely change the subject or suggest discussing something lighter to maintain your emotional energy.
  5. Engage in non-political activities: To avoid being consumed by election stress, you intentionally plan activities unrelated to politics that bring you joy. Whether it’s pursuing a hobby, spending time with loved ones, or exercising, you balance your engagement with the election by doing things that help you relax.

How You’ll Know You’re Prioritizing Self-Care and Rest:

• You feel more balanced and less overwhelmed by the election, noticing that your stress levels decrease when you take regular breaks from media and discussions.
• Your energy improves, and you experience fewer feelings of burnout or exhaustion.
• You notice that you’re sleeping better and waking up feeling more rested and refreshed, which helps you approach the day with a clearer mind.
• You find it easier to manage your emotions and remain calm, even when faced with election-related news or challenging conversations.
• You feel a sense of control over your mental and emotional well-being, knowing you’ve set aside time to care for yourself and avoid election overload.

By prioritizing self-care and rest, you maintain a healthy balance, which allows you to engage with the election thoughtfully, without feeling consumed by stress or anxiety.

Building emotional resilience doesn’t happen overnight, but as you cultivate these habits, you’ll begin to notice greater emotional stability, a sense of control in uncertain times, and more confidence in your ability to navigate life’s challenges.

What boundaries should I set around political discussions?

It’s okay to set boundaries around political conversations, even with loved ones. Here are some guidelines:

• Limit news consumption: Choose specific times to check updates rather than letting the news run all day.
• Communicate your needs: Let friends or family know if you need a break from discussing politics.
• Know when to step away: If a conversation becomes heated, allow yourself the space to step back and avoid engaging further.
• Social media limits: Mute or unfollow accounts that contribute to your stress.
• Know who to not speak to about politics and who to speak to: You can have an informed conversation with certain people in your life, even if they do not see eye-to-eye with you or share your political views. Others just want to debate with you and get under your skin. Be mindful of who you are starting a conversation with and how it makes you feel. 

Navigating Politics with Family and Close Friends: Reducing Discord

Politics can be a deeply personal and emotional topic, especially when discussing it with family or close friends who may have differing views. These conversations can become stressful, leaving you feeling overwhelmed or anxious. Here’s how to manage political discussions with loved ones while protecting your mental health:

1. Set Clear Boundaries Early
   • Example: Let your family and friends know ahead of time if you’d prefer to avoid discussing politics. You can say something like, “I’d rather not talk about the election today. Let’s focus on other topics.”
   • Why It Works: By setting boundaries before the conversation even starts, you reduce the chances of entering a heated debate, allowing for more peaceful interactions.
2. Agree to Disagree
   • Example: Accept that not everyone will share your political views, and that’s okay. Rather than trying to change someone’s mind, focus on understanding where they’re coming from. Say something like, “I see we have different perspectives, and I respect that.” Then, move on to another topic. 
   • Why It Works: This mindset shifts the goal from winning an argument to maintaining a respectful relationship, which can prevent unnecessary stress. It also honors both of your opinions. 
3. Focus on Common Ground
   • Example: Redirect conversations toward shared values or concerns, such as community well-being or family matters, rather than dwelling on divisive political issues.
   • Why It Works: Focusing on what you have in common helps de-escalate tension and keeps the relationship positive, even during politically charged times.
4. Use Non-Confrontational Language
   • Example: If politics do come up, use “I” statements to express your feelings rather than accusing or blaming others. For instance, “I feel uncomfortable when the conversation becomes heated” instead of “You always start arguments about politics.”
   • Why It Works: This approach lowers the emotional intensity of the discussion and keeps it from turning into an argument.
5. Limit Your Exposure
   • Example: If family gatherings or certain friends consistently engage in political discussions that stress you out, it’s okay to take breaks from these interactions. You can excuse yourself from a conversation or leave a gathering early if it becomes too overwhelming.Or you can not go to the event in the first place. 
   • Why It Works: Limiting exposure to high-stress situations helps you protect your mental well-being and maintain better relationships in the long run.
6. Practice Active Listening
   • Example: Sometimes, simply listening to someone else’s perspective without reacting can defuse tension. You don’t have to agree, but showing empathy by saying, “I’m hearing you say XX, which leads you to feeling YY about that topic” can calm the situation.
   • Why It Works: Active listening reduces the likelihood of escalation and helps others feel heard, which can minimize conflict.
7. Prioritize Self-Care
   • Example: After a political discussion, take time to unwind and decompress. Whether it’s going for a walk, practicing deep breathing, or engaging in a hobby, self-care can help you process your feelings and reduce lingering stress.
   • Why It Works: Regular self-care helps you recharge emotionally and better handle stressful interactions in the future.

Remember, it’s okay to step away from political conversations with family or friends when it feels too overwhelming. You can care deeply about your relationships without needing to engage in every political discussion. By setting boundaries, practicing empathy, and focusing on your own well-being, you can protect your mental health and maintain your close relationships during election season.

What are some self-care practices I can use on election night?

Election night can be particularly stressful, with minute-by-minute updates. Here are some hands-on techniques to help manage anxiety:

• Grounding techniques: Focus on your senses by holding a cold glass of water or hot cup of tea or feeling the texture of a nearby object.
• Deep breathing: Try the 4-7-8 breathing method: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds.
• Move your body: Gentle stretching, yoga, or even taking a brief walk can help release built-up tension.
• Distraction: Prepare a non-political book, puzzle, or favorite TV show to keep your mind engaged in something relaxing.

Election Night Coping Plan: Practical Tips for Managing Stress and Anxiety

1. Set time limits: Decide how much time you’ll spend watching election coverage.
2. Create a soothing environment: Light a candle, play calming music, or spend time in a cozy space.
3. Use relaxation techniques: Practice mindfulness, progressive muscle relaxation, or guided meditation.
4. Reach out for support: Have a friend or family member available to talk with if you feel overwhelmed.
5. Avoid the election: Make plans for election night. Make it so that you can’t check your phone or won’t get updates. Allow yourself space and be in control when you hear the results. 
6. Choose your results: You can decide when to receive the election results. Check in with yourself. When you are in a good mental state to receive the information, move forward with finding out. Let friends and family know not to message you, don’t turn on your television, or go on social media. Set up boundaries around finding out until you are ready

The Role of Social Media in Election Anxiety: How to Engage Mindfully

Social media can fuel anxiety during elections, as it exposes you to strong opinions, debates, and misinformation. Here’s how to engage with it mindfully:

• Set a time limit for social media use: Avoid endless scrolling that heightens stress.
• Verify information: Before sharing or reacting to content, check if it’s from a reliable source.
• Curate your feed: Unfollow or mute accounts that spark anxiety or contribute to an echo chamber.

Staying Connected: Building a Support System During Election Season

During stressful times, staying connected with supportive people is crucial. Here’s how to foster your support network:

• Join non-political groups: Engage in activities that allow for positive, non-political interaction.
• Schedule regular check-ins: Stay connected with friends and loved ones who understand and respect your boundaries. 
• Seek professional support: If election anxiety becomes overwhelming, consider making extra appointments with your therapist to process what is coming up for you. 

Fears of What Will Happen Post-Election: Navigating Uncertainty

It’s normal to feel worried about what will happen after the election, especially with the unknowns surrounding potential policy changes, shifts in leadership, the state of the economy, or societal reactions. Post-election anxiety can stem from concerns about how the results may impact your personal life, community, or the country as a whole. Here are some ways to manage these fears:

• Focus on your immediate surroundings: While national events may feel overwhelming, concentrate on the things you can directly influence, such as your relationships, career, and local community.
• Prepare for change, but don’t anticipate the worst: It’s natural to be concerned about possible outcomes, but catastrophizing can increase anxiety. Ground yourself by recognizing that you have overcome uncertainty before, and you are resilient enough to handle change.
• Limit “what-if” scenarios: The future is unpredictable, and dwelling on worst-case scenarios can magnify fear. Instead, acknowledge your concerns without allowing them to dominate your thoughts.
• Stay informed, but give yourself space to process: Once the election results are in, take time to reflect before reacting. You can plan how to engage with any changes that may occur.
• Connect with your support system: Discuss your fears with trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can offer perspective and comfort. Sharing your worries with others can help alleviate some of the emotional burden.

By grounding yourself in the present, accepting the uncertainty, and staying connected with a support system, you can reduce the intensity of your post-election fears and manage any emotional upheaval more effectively.

If you feel you may need extra support during this election season, please reach out. Our therapists are ready to help you process what’s coming up for you and come up with an action plan to help you get through November! Reach us at 267-495-4951. 

The post Managing Election Anxiety: Coping Strategies for a Stress-Free Election appeared first on The Better You Institute.

Many people think couples therapy is for when the relationship is failing, or big things erupt. Yes, couples therapy helps with those situations, but it can also help couples avoid problems from arising in the future by building a stronger foundation and understanding of each other. In couples therapy, a couple can improve their communication and intimacy, shift how they relate to each other, and help them improve the overall quality of their relationship.  

What is the purpose of couples therapy?

In couples therapy, as opposed to individual therapy, the client is the relationship, not the individuals in the relationship. This allows the focus to be on the relationship as a whole and not the individual needs of the relationship’s members.  Couples therapy serves several purposes, including improving a couple’s communication, emotional and physical intimacy, trust, understanding, and problem-solving skills. It can also help couples navigate differences in sex, sexuality, values, expectations for the future, and life transitions. Lastly, couples therapy can also be for repairing relational mishaps, such as infidelity, neglect, substance use, financial issues, or the loss of a child. For many couples, it can be helpful to have an objective guide who can teach them new skills, model new ways to communicate, point out patterns, and propose new ways to look at things.  The therapist will also guide the couple in creating new experiences in the session when communicating, looking to solve a problem, or connecting deeper that they haven’t experienced at home. Ultimately, the purpose of couples therapy will vary per couple. However, there are some common expectations you can come into therapy having: learning about yourself and your partner(s) and how that impacts the relationship, emphasizing empathy, compassion, and understanding, and gaining a deeper connection to one another (even if you decide to break up), and learn how to disagree (not preventing it).  

What happens in a couples therapy session?

Couples therapy can look different depending on the model or theory the therapist is working from, but there are some general similarities in all approaches. Couples therapy will begin with the therapist taking a history of the couple, including their time together and their lives before meeting. While collecting this information, the therapist will also be working on developing the therapeutic relationship and needed rapport with the couple so that the couple feels comfortable, safe, and accepted to share openly and be vulnerable. During this history taking, the therapist might ask about familial relationships, past romantic relationships, major life events, sexual history, and plans for the future. Next, the couple’s therapist will work with the couple to identify treatment goals. Frequently, couples will come in and be able to identify what the problem is but not what their goals are. For example, a couple may come in because they are having the same arguments repeatedly and they are tired of fighting. However, they cannot recognize that the associated goals would include learning effective communication skills and communication blockers, empathetic listening skills, engaging in perception shifts, and understanding the underlying patterns and beliefs missed when this cyclical fighting occurs.  Most forms of couples therapy will focus on communication and listening skills, though how they go about that will differ. Conflict resolution cannot occur until new ways of engaging, sharing, and listening are developed. Often, in conflicts, we are so focused on what it is we want to say we miss things being said to us; also, it is common for there to be a disconnect between what one partner is saying and what the other is hearing. In addition to the therapist aiding the couple in developing new communication and active listening skills, the therapist will also help the couple recognize when this communication disconnect is occurring, increase their awareness of the underlying thoughts and beliefs that contribute to this disconnect, and provide reframes to aid the couple in better understanding what is being said or not said.  Once couples have gained new communication and listening skills, the sessions will transition to focus on the individual needs of the couple. This could include problem-solving and conflict resolution, exploring relational dynamics, negotiating changes within the relationship, increasing trust, healing and repair, improving sexual and romantic intimacy, and sharing in a more intimate and vulnerable manner. Some therapists may request homework assignments to be done between sessions as a means to transition the therapeutic work outside of the therapy office.  Lastly, the couple will move into the maintenance phase of treatment. Or, they may identify new goals they want to work on and start the process over again. The maintenance phase means that the couple has reached their goals. In the maintenance phase, the therapist will explore with the couple the changes they’ve made and what might come up that could set them back or hinder their progress. The therapist will empower the couple to continue growing and learning beyond the therapeutic space. The couple will identify the new tools and skills they learned in therapy to get into the maintenance phase so that they can intentionally continue to use them. 

Who is couples therapy for?

Contrary to what many think, couples therapy is for all couples, not just those experiencing difficulties. For some couples, participating in couples therapy can help them proactively strengthen the relationship and prevent minor issues from escalating into larger problems. Couples can engage in therapy at any relationship stage or during any transitional period. Some couples therapists are versed in different relationship needs, including those of the LGBTQIA* community, multicultural couples, those with blended families, or those needing support with specific concerns, whether it be co-parenting/parenting differences, sexual concerns, infidelity, kink/fetishes, or Ace-Allo/Ace-Aro identity differences. Couples therapy is also for those who don’t consider themself a couple. Maybe you’re in a throuple or the primary or metamour partner along with the secondary partner(s). However you define your relationship and your role in it, couples therapy can still be useful for you.

Things to Know About Couples Therapy

Couples therapists can have different qualifications. Some are Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFTs), some are Licensed Professional Counselors (LPCs), and some are Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSW). These licenses are based on what type of educational program the clinician attended and what their general background training is. You may also be able to work with an intern or pre-licensed clinician for couples therapy. These clinicians receive supervision from a more experienced, licensed therapist and can help guide your work. Many therapists, regardless of their licensure, obtain additional training in couples therapy, focusing on specific clinical techniques, communication skills, conflict resolution skills, and relational or system dynamics. Common additional training is under models such as Emotionally Focused Therapy, IMAGO, or the Gottman Method.  Couples therapy focuses on the relationship over the individual. While aspects of the individual will be explored, it will be looked at within the context of the relationship. The overall goals of couples therapy will be focused on improving the quality, health, and satisfaction of the relationship and not on individual personal growth (though that can happen as well). Sometimes, improving the quality, health, and satisfaction of the relationship means that the relationship dissolves and the couple breaks up. While having couples break up is not the therapist’s goal, it is their job to point out when it may be advantageous for a couple to explore separation.  Many couples therapists will ask to meet with the couple individually and jointly, though the frequency of the individual sessions will vary based on clinical determination of need. Many couples therapists have a “rule” of not keeping secrets that come up during individual sessions. Not keeping secrets means that information shared in the individual sessions that is important to the therapy work done in the conjoint sessions will not be withheld from the other partner(s). The therapist will work with the individual to get them in a place they feel comfortable sharing in the joint sessions. Exceptions to sharing this information are that sharing will be harmful or dangerous in some way. An example of harmful or dangerous disclosures is when an extramarital affair is disclosed in an individual session. The therapist will support and aid the one having an affair in disclosing this to their partner in a conjoint session. However, an example of this disclosure possibly being harmful is if the infidelity happened twenty years ago during a partner’s fight with cancer. The infidelity seems to have no impact on the current issues the couple is having and would only further pain, shame, and guilt the cancer survivor partner.  Couples therapy is often scheduled on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, depending on the therapist’s professional opinion on the case. It can be short-term with a specific focus on resolving an identified issue or long-term with a focus on deeper-level relational work. Unless the couple came in to explore separation, it is often considered beneficial for the couple to commit to putting discussion of separation on hold at the beginning of couple work, with an understanding that the focus of therapy can transition to that focus later.  Couples therapy can be very beneficial, though no outcome can be guaranteed as it depends upon the severity of the issue and how both partners engage in the therapy process. Open and honest participation is necessary, as well as a commitment to the treatment goals and a willingness to change one’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to change things within the relationship. 

The Benefits of Couples Therapy

Couples therapy can have multiple benefits. This includes improving communication and listening, increasing honest and open communication, increasing feelings of intimacy and trust, and providing couples with skills to manage conflict or problems when they arise. Couples can experience improvement in boundary making and respecting decision-making, negotiating differing needs and wants, conflict prevention, and alignment of parenting styles. By enhancing how they express empathy, compassion, validation, and perspective-taking, couples will have an easier time navigating cultural differences, rebuilding trust, increasing emotional connection, and building emotional and sexual intimacy. By creating healthier relational patterns, the individuals experience increased self-awareness and positive personal growth. 

Types of Couples Therapy

Couples therapy works by changing how one participates within the relationship. In couples therapy, change can develop from looking at a few different things.  One thing that can be helpful is examining how one thinks, feels, and behaves in general, as well as how one relates to others overall. Change can develop from reflecting on and changing how one communicates and responds to conflict, as well as the narrative each person holds about themselves, their partner(s), and the relationship. A couples therapist can also aid the couple in examining what each individual brings from past experiences into their current relationships.   Some examples of couples therapy models and methods include the following (though this is not an exhaustive list):

• The Gottman Method: a form of couples therapy created by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, focusing on communication skills and conflict resolution. 
• IMAGO Relationship Therapy: a form of therapy that focuses on unconscious idealized love, relationship patterns, communication, and resolving past “wounds.”
• Emotionally-Focused Therapy: a structured approach that focuses on emotions and attachment to allow for corrective emotional experiences and deeper emotional connections. 
• Narrative Therapy: couples will examine how their inner narrative/stories affect their perceptions and direct the way they interact with their partner(s), allowing them the opportunity to rewrite the narrative more positively. 
• Attachment-Focused Therapy: this looks at attachment styles, reframing behaviors within the context of attempting to get one’s needs met, and supporting the couple as they move from insecure to secure attachment styles
• Cognitive-behavioral couples Therapy: a therapy that looks at the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, believing that by changing one, the other two will also change. 
• Sex Therapy: couples therapy that focuses on sex and sexuality concerns within the relationship, utilizing a view that sexual concerns are an issue of the couple as a whole and not the individual 
• Solution-Focused: this is usually a short-term therapy approach that takes a structured and direct approach to finding solutions to current problems without expanding focus into an individual’s past or other areas of the relationship.
• Family Systems Therapy: looks at the family and systems each person comes from and the influences past family dynamics have on how the individual engages in relationships.
• Relational Life Therapy: an approach developed by Terry Real, that examines relationship patterns and concerns as they relate to early attachment and cultural influences, as well as the impact past relationships have on current ones. 
• Integrative Couples Therapy: an approach to therapy that incorporates multiple approaches of couples therapy to personalize treatment to the specific needs of each couple.
• Esther Perel’s approach: her approach focuses on the interconnection, interplay, and, at times, conflicting needs between intimacy and desire; couples will explore topics related to communication, connection, trust, and compatibility. 

No one method of couples therapy has been shown in the research to be “better” than any other. However, some of the models listed above have more research behind them. The Gottman’s, for example, have made it their life’s work and have put out world-renowned research. Sue Johnson (Emotionally-Focused Therapy) and Terry Real are leaders in couples therapy.  Each method works to increase awareness and insight and create changes in how one relates interpersonally. 

Why might a couples therapist recommend individual therapy first?

There are many reasons a couples therapist may recommend each member attend individual therapy first, and that is not a reflection of the state of the relationship or the ability for the relationship to be worked on. There may be some individual things that the therapist believes would benefit the individual to work on independently, which can also result in an improvement in the relationship. Examples of this would include when one member of the couple is experiencing depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, or difficulty regulating emotions. It would also be recommended for when one of the individuals wants to work on areas of personal growth and goals outside of the relationship. A therapist may also suggest this when one member of the relationship is experiencing unresolved grief or trauma, as individual therapy would allow more time and space to be focused on healing these wounds.  If there is a safety-related concern, the therapist may recommend individual therapy first. If the therapist has concerns regarding the emotional or physical safety of any relationship member, the couple will be referred separately for individual therapy before beginning couples therapy. Couples therapy cannot be effective when the therapy or home space is unsafe. Couples therapy is also not effective if there is current infidelity happening. Related to safety, this does not create emotional safety for the non-cheating partner. Ongoing infidelity also takes up some of the energy and motivation of the cheating partner that is needed to work on the primary relationship. 

Why do I feel so scared or intimidated when I think about being in couples therapy?

Therapy can feel intimidating, whether individual, family, group, or couples therapy. It is reasonable for people to be scared to confront their past, face difficult issues, or accept the need to make change. In fact, by agreeing to therapy, one is automatically agreeing to reflect, confront, and make a decision to change or not. It can be scary to open oneself up to a stranger, especially when the outcome of it is unknown. The whole process can feel very vulnerable, which for many is naturally a fearful thing.  For many people, they experience a fear of being judged, a fear of change, a fear of both failure and success and a fear of having to confront the things that make them unhappy. Many people have internalized shame and stigma about being in therapy and what being in couples therapy means for the relationship. People also have a fear of the vulnerability that arises in therapy, as well as a fear of being rejected if they allow themselves to be vulnerable, authentic, and open. These fears are all valid and reasonable. It is important to remember that these same fears can underlie some of the relational issues that result in seeking couples therapy. By engaging in couples therapy, even when intimidated and fearful of it, the couple is opening themselves up to change.  In couples therapy, all of these experiences feel magnified because you are not just in the presence of a therapist but also being witnessed in them by your partner(s). At first, this idea of sharing such vulnerabilities and being so honest and real in the sessions may seem scary. However, the idea of couples therapy is to get vulnerable with your partner(s) in hopes of joining you together and creating a deeper connection. 

Concluding Thoughts

Couples therapy does not need to be viewed as something to avoid, nor does it imply that the relationship is failing. While couples therapy can help when larger problems have already arisen within the relationship, it can also help prevent some of the larger problems from developing. Couples therapy can provide the tools couples need to weather problems if/when they arise in the future.  

The post Window of Tolerance: What It Is and Tricks For Managing It appeared first on The Better You Institute.

Working through past trauma is a common reason many individuals seek treatment. As more individuals seek support, the demand for trauma-informed care has significantly increased. Trauma-Informed Care as a therapeutic approach is critical within mental health services and the behavioral health services framework, as it shifts the focus from “What is wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”

As someone seeking support for trauma histories, you will benefit from understanding what trauma-informed care entails and how to find trauma-informed organizations and medical professionals equipped to guide you through healing from traumatic experiences.

What is Trauma?

Before discussing trauma-informed practices, we must first define trauma. Trauma is subjective and can vary greatly. For some, it is a deeply disturbing experience that overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope, often leading to long-term emotional, mental, and even physical health consequences. The long-term impact of childhood trauma through the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) study is well documented. However, for some people, smaller, less catastrophic, but certainly hurtful experiences are considered traumatic. 

Trauma is often categorized as Big-T traumas—catastrophic events like natural disasters, violent crimes, or physical, sexual, emotional abuse, or neglect—and Little-t traumas, which involve prolonged exposure to stressful situations like childhood misattunement, workplace stress, or relationship problems. Both types of trauma can result in secondary traumatic stress and have a profound impact on an individual’s physical and mental health.

Additionally, complex trauma is another vital concept to understand. It refers to repeated exposures to traumatic events, often starting in childhood, such as enduring sexual abuse or witnessing physical violence (big T Traumas) or repeated misattunement or exposure to a parent with severe mental health issues (small T traumas). Complex trauma disrupts normal development, leading to severe, long-term emotional and mental health consequences, and requires a specific, trauma-informed approach to treatment.

Explore the different types of trauma recognized by the American Psychological Association.

What is Trauma-Informed Care?

Trauma-informed care is an approach in mental health and behavioral services that recognizes the prevalence of trauma in individuals’ lives and seeks to create a supportive environment. Instead of asking, “What is wrong with you?” clinicians ask, “What happened to you?” to understand the root causes of emotional and psychological struggles.  

Why is Trauma-Informed Care Important?

Trauma is pervasive, with 60% of adults in the U.S. having experienced at least one traumatic event. Recognizing this widespread impact, the Substance Abuse Mental Health Service Administration (SABMHS) has emphasized the importance of training clinicians to provide trauma-specific services. 

Traditional mental health treatments often focus on symptom management, which can unintentionally cause re-traumatization if the deeper impact of trauma is not addressed. This, in turn, has led to many patients disengaging from treatment planning and abandoning care altogether.

Clinicians trained in trauma-informed care understand the prevalence of trauma and adapt their practices to avoid re-traumatization while providing holistic support. Trauma-informed practices lead to better outcomes: reduced symptoms, improved physical health, fewer substance abuse issues, enhanced coping skills, and greater social connection.

Unfortunately, many clinicians are not adequately trained in this approach. This gap in training—often leading to staff turnover and inadequate care—reinforces the need for individuals to seek providers who use a trauma-informed approach when engaging in health services. The team at The Better You Institute is trained in trauma-informed care and prides itself on upholding the level of care necessary for those with traumatic histories to heal. 

What are the 6 Key Principles of Trauma-Informed Care:

1. Safety: This is foundational. Clients need to feel safe—emotionally, physically, and psychologically. This means creating a space where they feel secure and respected. A therapist’s tone, body language, and office environment all contribute to this. It’s okay to expect your therapist to be aware of these as they lead the therapy session. 
2. Trustworthiness and Transparency: Therapists should be open about their processes and what clients can expect. Clear communication about confidentiality, treatment plans, and boundaries helps build trust.
3. Peer Support: Highlight the role of shared experiences in healing. Trauma survivors often feel isolated, so acknowledging that others have gone through similar experiences can be powerful.
4. Collaboration and Mutuality: Trauma-informed care is collaborative. The power dynamic between therapist and client should be balanced to the greatest possible extent. Your therapist should use language emphasizing partnership, such as “Let’s work on this together” or “What feels most comfortable for you?”
5. Empowerment, Voice, and Choice: Trauma often strips people of their sense of control. Therapists should help clients regain control by offering choices and encouraging them to express their needs. Phrases like “You are the expert on your own experience” or “Would you like to pause here or keep going?” foster empowerment.
6. Cultural, Historical, and Gender Sensitivity: A trauma-informed therapist should be mindful of the broader context of a client’s trauma. Understand that historical and cultural oppression may compound their experience. Language should be respectful and attuned to the client’s cultural identity.

What Should I Expect from a Trauma-Informed Therapy Session?

In a trauma-informed therapy session, clinicians create a safe and supportive environment where clients feel empowered to share their experiences. Therapy may involve discussing trauma triggers, learning coping skills, and understanding how past trauma affects current beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behavior. The therapist avoids re-traumatization by maintaining trust, transparency, and respecting the client’s boundaries.

Language to Use with Trauma Clients:

When working with trauma survivors, every word carries weight. The goal is to communicate in a way that is validating, supportive, and non-triggering. Here are key linguistic approaches you should look for your therapist to use if you want a trauma-informed therapist. 

1. Validate the Experience:
   • Instead of minimizing trauma or focusing on silver linings, acknowledge the pain. A trauma-informed therapist should say things like, “That sounds incredibly difficult” or “I hear that this has been overwhelming for you.”
2. Use Grounding Language:
   • Trauma can disorient clients. Use language that helps them stay in the present moment. Phrases that foster grounding , “Let’s take a deep breath together” or “Notice your feet on the ground” can help them reorient themselves to the hear and now.
3. Avoid “Why” Questions:
   • “Why” questions can feel blaming or intrusive. Instead of asking, “Why didn’t you leave?” ask, “What was it like for you in that situation?” This change removes judgment and invites the client to explore their experience safely.
4. Offer Choices to Reclaim Control:
   • Trauma survivors often feel powerless, so offering options during sessions like, “Would you like to stop here or continue?” gives them a sense of agency and allows them to control the pace of the session.
5. Use Non-Pathologizing Language:
   • Refrain from labeling trauma reactions as “disorders.” Instead of saying, “You’re experiencing PTSD,” say, “What you’re going through is a natural response to what happened.” This shifts the focus from pathology to resilience.
6. Check-in Frequently:
   • Clients may feel overwhelmed during trauma work. Phrases like, “How are you feeling right now?” or “Is this conversation okay for you?” show your attentiveness and concern for their well-being in real time.
7. Honor Their Strengths:
   • Trauma survivors are resilient, and it’s vital to highlight that. Use affirming language like, “It took so much strength to survive that” or “You’ve shown incredible resilience in coping with this.”

Recognizing Trauma-Informed Providers

Clinicians well-versed in trauma-informed care work to explore what happened to you that may have felt traumatic rather than concentrate solely on your current symptoms. They employ screening tools to identify trauma histories and adapt their treatment to each individual’s unique circumstances. These clinicians are trained in handling substance abuse and mental health conditions, acknowledging that the two often co-exist. Moreover, trauma-informed therapists use empowering language that helps you feel more in the driver’s seat of your life. 

Trauma-informed care is not a technique—it’s a philosophy that should permeate all aspects of your therapeutic experience. The therapist’s goal is to create a space of safety, trust, and empowerment for their clients. Be mindful of their language and how it can either build trust or unintentionally reinforce trauma. By integrating these principles and language strategies into their practice, a trauma-informed therapist will foster a healing environment that honors the client’s journey and promotes recovery.

Trauma-informed care also recognizes the impact of trauma across various service systems, from hospitals to schools. The National Center for Trauma and Behavioral Health underscores the importance of these principles being embedded across all health settings, including physical examination procedures and broader health services.

Learn more about the importance of trauma and mental health services as recommended by SAMHSA.

What are the Benefits of Trauma-Informed Therapy?

Trauma-informed therapy helps individuals manage the long-term effects of trauma by addressing the emotional, cognitive, and physical impact. Key benefits include improved coping mechanisms, reduced anxiety and depression, better interpersonal relationships, and a reduced risk of re-traumatization.

What Types of Trauma Does Trauma-Informed Care Address?

Trauma-informed care can address a variety of traumas, including physical and emotional abuse, sexual assault, neglect, domestic violence, and childhood trauma. It also includes care for individuals who have experienced complex or chronic trauma from long-term exposure to distressing events.

How Can I Find a Trauma-Informed Therapist?

To find a trauma-informed therapist, look for professionals who specialize in trauma recovery, have certifications in trauma-informed care, and practice approaches like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Internal Family Systems (IFS), Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT),  or somatic therapies. The Better You Institute in Philadelphia offers trauma-informed services, which can be a great resource for individuals needing specialized care.

Trauma-Informed Providers at Better You Institute

At Better You Institute, we understand the lasting impact that trauma can have on your life. Our trauma-informed clinicians are specially trained to recognize and respond to trauma, using evidence-based screening tools to identify trauma histories and adapt treatment to each individual’s unique needs. We offer comprehensive trauma-sensitive care to help you heal and regain control of your life. We also offer a supportive group for individuals healing from trauma.

Trauma isn’t just something that happened in the past—it can shape how you feel, think, and react in the present. Have you survived a traumatic event in your past? Do you feel like it’s holding you back from living the life you want? At Better You Institute, we specialize in helping individuals just like you who feel stuck under a cloud of negative emotions. If you’re feeling weighed down, unmotivated, or struggling with inner conflict, our therapists are here to help you break free and reclaim your life.

You don’t have to fight this battle alone.
At Better You Institute, we focus on healing the whole person, ensuring that our trauma-informed services support your emotional and mental well-being. We provide a safe space where you can explore your thoughts, identify patterns that may be holding you back, and start making meaningful changes. It’s time to take that step toward the future you deserve.

Ready to start your journey of healing? Contact Better You Institute today to schedule a consultation and begin transforming your life with trauma-informed care.

Call us now at 267-495-4951 or visit our website to learn more about our trauma recovery programs and specialized therapy options.

What Trauma-Informed Services Does the Better You Institute in Philadelphia Provide?

The Better You Institute in Philadelphia offers various trauma-informed services, including individual therapy, couples therapy, and group therapy. Our clinicians are trained in trauma-sensitive approaches that empower clients, provide emotional safety, and help individuals start the healing process. 

Final Thoughts

With the right providers, the process of recovery becomes more manageable. Whether you’re recovering from trauma exposure in your family, community, or past, finding the right trauma-informed clinician is important for achieving well-being. Mental health services that encourage trauma-informed practices are necessary to help patients recover from the effects of trauma, allowing them to regain control of their lives and improve their overall health.

Ready to begin your healing? Contact The Better You Institute to schedule an appointment today.

The post Understanding Trauma-Informed Care in Mental Health: Key Principles for Healing appeared first on The Better You Institute.

How do I stop the Anxiety?

           A question that impacted your choice to read this article as well as your consideration of therapy. First, you are not alone, and your concerns are not lost on this writer. The harrowing impact of unsoothed anxiety can wreak havoc not just on your nervous system but on your life. Next, let me express that ultimately it is my hope to help and support someone through this journey of unraveling their relationship with anxiety and in so doing, give them fundamental tools to create a more comfortable existence. So, going back to that big question that brought you here… How do I stop the Anxiety? Let me, right off the bat, shatter this expectation. While ripping this band-aid might seem intentionally cruel, let me continue to say that our journey together is not going to be about eradicating anxiety, it is instead going to be about understanding and coping with anxiety. 

While it might be tempting to click out of this article at this point, I hope that you will give me a chance to conceptualize my reasoning behind this action. Firstly, it is important to know that our anxiety at its core serves a primary function, so it’s not really something you want to get rid of completely. Understanding this function will be crucial in later work. Secondly, it is impossible to stop anxiety completely. We are not in control of our emotions, only our responses to them. Yes, I know there are medications that can give you some temporary relief, which many of you might even be using now. At times these medications can have a place in the treatment of anxiety, but as their effects are temporary and require continued medication increases, I think it best to look to long-term support. While I understand what I am writing is frustrating to read, I am not saying that you cannot get to a place where you enjoy some much-needed relief from these anxious experiences. If I still have your attention, let me give you a breakdown of how this treatment provider works with clients to help them regain control and confidence over their anxious experiences.

What are the Symptoms of Anxiety?

While my previous metaphors may have illustrated some of various symptoms of anxiety let us still take a moment to highlight them more specifically. Symptoms of anxiety can be seen as: 

• Restlessness
• Accelerated breathing 
• Fast or irregular heartbeats
• Sweating 
• Sleep problems
• Feeling lightheaded or dizzy
• Stomach or intestinal distress
• Headaches
• General aches or pains 
• Nausea 
• Panic attacks

While this list is certainly not exhaustive it does paint a general picture of the common symptoms of anxiety. Now that we have this understanding let us also discuss a scale of how anxiety can present.

What are the levels of anxiety?

Before we dive into a discussion about the conceptualization of anxiety and that impact to treatment let us first discuss a scale of how anxiety can present. Anxiety can have the corresponding labeling system of Mild, Moderate, Severe, and Panic Attack level. At a quick glance let us define what these levels look like:

• Mild: This would be seen as sub-clinical or quote on quote “normal.” As each of us at some time and place will experience anxiety in various situations. At this level the individual will likely feel like they have some degree of control.  Also at this stage we are not seeing any or significant changes in daily functioning.  
• Moderate: At this level we are experiencing more frequent and persistent symptoms as well a lack of control over them. At this level the individual will likely feel these symptoms the majority of days throughout a week. 
• Severe: At this level we are seeing the intense debilitating aspects of anxiety. Symptom presentation is frequent and persistent, and it causes significant impact to daily functioning, such as trouble at work/school, being socially withdrawn, or difficulties completing basic tasks of daily living. Individuals here will be more likely to seek medical support. They are also at an increased risk of using alcohol or drugs to help manage the symptoms.

• Panic: This level is used to describe a subsequence aspect of anxiety in which an individual experiences frequent and recurring panic attacks. A panic attack usually last around 10 minutes and has symptoms that include but are not limited to:

• • Rapid onset of extreme fear
  • Heart palpitations
  • Rapid breathing
  • Nausea or Dizziness
  • Fear of Death 

Having an understanding of both the symptoms as well as the scaling levels of anxiety let’s now conceptualize anxiety and see how this impacts treatment.  As we dive into this further, I want you to picture the process of understanding and coping with anxiety as something similar to building a house. The first step is going to be laying the foundation. Without this step, the house will be unstable and can be blown down at the first sign of resistance. While I am sure it is easier and quicker to build a house without this step, I always want my clients to develop skills that will serve them for a lifetime, not just for a moment. As we pour the metaphoric cement of our foundation, it will be laced with two key concepts. First, anxiety has a purpose, and second, anxiety has roots.

 Anxiety has a purpose

As counterintuitive as it may sound, this statement is fundamentally true. Let me explain: some emotions vs. others often are labeled as bad or good. Good emotions: love, joy, pride, etc. Bad emotions: fear, anger, shame, etc. What I want to help clients understand is that all emotions have a purpose, and while some are more uncomfortable than others, this does not make them bad. It may be helpful to take emotions out of this dichotomy that is bad and good and, instead, look at them as a continuum. Anxiety follows this same rule. Using the feelings wheel below to help guide us, we can see that emotions can be either branched out to their complex specifics or boiled down to more core expressions. 

taken from https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/how-to-use-wheel-of-emotions-to-express-better-emotions-8037255aa661

As we can see from the image, Anxiety’s more central emotion is fear. So, the purpose of anxiety will be wrapped up in the purpose of our fear. Fear, as I previously mentioned, is one of those more discomforting emotions, so it too can get a bad rap. However, having and expressing fear is a key aspect of our survival. Without it, we would not be able to perceive danger and then find motivation to take adaptive action, usually in the form of either confrontation or fleeing, depending on the situation. *Think: knowing to run when you see a saber toothed tiger or feeling at ease when you see a loved one.* 

What is continuously being researched by scientists is a more thorough breakdown between fear and anxiety. Some researchers suggest anxiety and fear can be seen as synonymous with each other. Contrarily, others argue that fear comes into play when the situation is imminently dangerous, while anxiety is based on a lack of control over future danger or discomfort. A simplified equation can be seen as thus:

Discomforting stimulus happens –> Fear develops –> Fear is processed and reacted to –> Initial fear dissipates –> Anxiety develops to protect against future discomforting stimulus.

When we understand this equation, we can see that anxiety attempts to warn us of possible future concerns. Almost like our brain saying to the world, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.” Now that we have examined that the purpose of anxiety is to protect us from future perceived harm, this segues us nicely to our other foundational point: Anxiety has roots.

Anxiety has roots

Being able to parse out roots while in an anxious state can be extremely difficult. Now I know what some of you might be thinking, “my anxiety sometimes just feels like it is coming out of nowhere, like everything will be fine, and then suddenly I’m in full panic mode!”  Thinking like this is very normal at first. It can be hard to be reflective when we are in that anxious state. With support and practice this process of tracing roots can be more easily done.  When reflecting on the equation above, it might seem easy for some of you to reflect on moments in your life when you felt such extreme emotional discomfort. Some roots are often clear and usually given a label of trauma. 

Trauma as a Root

Traumas can be fit into labels of physical, emotional, sexual, and neglect. They can be ongoing or be rooted in a single incident. These types of traumas are often given the label of Big T traumas and are things like rape, food insecurity, being repeatedly belittled, or being physically attacked by another. Some of you might be sitting there and saying, “I have no specific Big T traumas, but I still have a lot of anxiety, so what does that mean?” That brings me to a concept called Little T trauma. These are things that invoke a level of stress but do not necessarily threaten safety at the same level as the Big T traumas. These can take many forms, and all people at some point have several examples of Little T traumas in their lives. Things like losing a pet, getting fired, maybe a break-up with a romantic partner, or a fight with your best friend. The list is endless and ultimately unique to each person. The combination of a lifetime of all of our big and little t traumas creates plenty of roots to our anxieties. 

Coping Strategies for Anxiety 

Using this fundamental knowledge listed above we can begin to discuss how we use this to cope with anxiety. As mentioned anxiety’s proactive nature hopes to foster aspects of control.  It looks to create the perfect external situation so that we never feel triggered by things that have hurt us in the past. Triggers can be defined as stressors that invoke a discomforting stimulus-response. The idea being, “if I control for the discomforting stimulus, I will be able to keep it from happening.” Often those with high levels of anxiety try to control their triggers, however, this is very literally like walking on eggshells in your own life. While it is fundamentally thoughtful of anxiety to try and protect us in this manner, it can be problematic when it tries to influence things that we simply don’t have agency over.  When we work on developing coping skills to comfort our anxieties it is important to understand just soothing the external trigger is limiting. Ideally we always want to work towards soothing the root as much as possible as this will ultimately result in the most overall relief. 

Let me try and explain this through an example:

Let’s say you feel anxious at school every time you are called on to answer a question. When you do get called on, you feel so nervous that it makes it hard for you to express yourself in the ways you would hope to do. Sometimes, this anxiety is so bad that you don’t go to class. It makes it hard for you to focus and understand your work properly because you are so wrapped up with anxiety. So, you hope to work on the external aspects of this anxiety. To change the environment, you might try to appear disinterested or sit way in the back to try and not get called on. You might even go as far as to ask for support from the teacher. All of this support is handling the trigger, but what is important is to understand the root cause. This can be a bit more challenging, it’s about helping yourself identify the aspects of your past that are suggesting to you that this specific social situation is a threat. 

The roots of your anxiety in this example can be as broad as a Little t trauma of feeling consistent pressure in childhood to never make a mistake to a more isolated incident in which you were ridiculed by a teacher/friend/or other important figures. Getting deeper and deeper into the previously felt emotional distress and understanding how that is propelling the anxiety into existence is crucial. With that understanding of yourself we can then apply the reassurance you need to help yourself see this situation in a new way. The new way being that even though the situation feels familiar to the past dynamic, it is not in actuality similar.

Final Thoughts

After all this abstract psychoeducation, some of you are likely still skeptical of this approach. You may be asking yourself, “what does this mean for treatment?” Thinking back, though, to our hope to make a strong foundation, all this conceptualization is to simply plant seeds of using this approach in session. Ideally I would help you trace down the roots of past pain and help you experience and heal those pains. This tracing process would give you insights to your anxiety and ultimately establish compassion for your protective processes and see them in a much less threatening light. It is completely normal and acceptable if some part of you is cynical and unwilling to put all your chips into this conceptualization and treatment method. That’s totally okay! In treating any type of mental health concern, the most important aspect is the rapport built between the client and counselor. Why am I saying this? I want to convey that it will be my job to help you establish trust in this process and develop a plan you feel you can rely on. After all, I am not an expert on you. If this approach is something that you feel is something that you would like to understand better, feel free to reach out and schedule today.  

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Therapy is a powerful tool for anyone looking to improve their emotional well-being and lead a more fulfilling life. It’s not just for those at their lowest or dealing with severe mental illness; therapy is for everyone. It provides a safe, confidential space to explore your thoughts and feelings, offering customized support and coping strategies that friends may not be able to provide. Therapy helps with stress, personal growth, and maintaining mental health.

Affordable options are available, making it accessible to more people.

Why should I go to therapy?

Therapy offers a safe, confidential space to explore and address emotional, psychological, or behavioral challenges. A therapist provides unbiased support, tools, and coping strategies tailored to your unique needs. It can lead to improved mental health, self-awareness, resilience, enhancing relationships and overall well-being. Seeking therapy is a proactive step toward personal growth and a happier, more fulfilling life.

What is therapy actually for?

Therapy can be used to address various issues or concerns, from mental health conditions like anxiety and depression to life challenges, trauma, and relationship difficulties. There is no one size fits all for how therapy can work. You may have asked yourself “How helpful therapy can really be?” Or “I don’t really need it if I’m only a little sad right now?” Certain myths of therapy may have swayed you away from actually engaging in this powerful experience. Continue reading below to learn more about the myths of therapy debunked. 

6 Myths of Therapy

Only crazy people go to therapy 

Have you heard this before? Maybe it was echoed on a television show, a movie, or by a family member during your lifetime. It wasn’t too long ago (early-mid 1900s) that people deemed “crazy” or “mentally ill” were given lobotomies as a form of psychiatric treatment, which we now know was not only extremely harmful but very ineffective. Women experiencing emotional distress, anxiety, or symptoms deemed inexplicable were labeled as “hysterical”. We have an extensive history of resorting to negative and ineffective treatments around being “crazy” and continuing this label and these myths of therapy will just repeat our past instead of supporting effective and helpful treatments.

That being said, thinking only crazy people go to therapy is a very harmful label of a person and a wildly inaccurate representation of therapy. Therapy is a space for everyone and anyone to attend for many reasons or presenting concerns or issues. Although the insurance industry would want you to believe that you need a diagnosis to get treatment, this is simply not true. Therapy can be used for those suffering from depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, or other clinical diagnoses. Therapy can also be used for people who just don’t feel satisfied with life, want more from life, have relational issues, want to learn how to be more assertive, or align themselves with their values better. None of these topics qualify for a clinical diagnosis per say but do render you fit for using therapy as a tool to reach your goals. Indeed, therapy can include an array of topics from depression or anxiety, trauma, grief, social or intimate relationship issues, job stressors, communication skill concerns, wanting to increase self-esteem or confidence, learning to navigate stress better, and so much more. Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all model. 

Therapy is for when you’re at rock bottom 

Many people believe you only go to therapy when you are at your lowest. Unfortunately, this reactive way of looking at therapy is part of a systemic issue within our medical systems driven mostly by money. If you build and maintain a healthy lifestyle and overall well-being, there is no need for medical services, and therefore there is no money. What many people don’t know is that therapy is available for any stage of your life, not just the worst parts of it. In fact, using therapy as a proactive tool to maintain the life you already feel good in or building on it to be the best can have immaculate results for your life! 

Therapy can be a preventative support system to help you learn how to increase helpful coping skills, social support, new ways to sit with your emotions, and so much more. When these skills are worked on in a neutral state in therapy versus just at rock bottom moments, you can learn to process, cope, and ultimately tolerate the events better. Whereas, if you are trying to learn new skills while in a heightened state of arousal and overwhelm, these skills may be harder to establish. Also, it may be more challenging to build a safe and effective relationship with a therapist when you are coming in at your lowest because you may not be in a place to be as open or receptive to helpful treatment. 

Therapy is just talking, and it’s all the same

While talk therapy is one type of therapy, it’s not the only kind, so don’t let the myths of therapy deter you. You may be envisioning a person laying on a couch gushing out all their thoughts and dreams based on Freud’s work, but that’s not what therapy always looks like. Different therapy models and interventions have been around for years and may use variations of talk therapy, somatic therapy (more body-focused), trauma interventions, and more. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is used to help you better understand how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected and ways to help reframe unhelpful thinking patterns. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) can assist with coping with intense emotional distress and increasing healthy interpersonal relationships. With these different models and approaches come activities like having regular take-home assignments to practice, using meditations in sessions, or using physical relaxation techniques. 

I don’t need therapy, I can just talk to my friends 

Friends are so supportive and can offer very real and helpful feedback in many situations. However, friends rarely can pick up on specific patterns, self-talk cycles, or connections and understandings to statistical data that a trained therapist can. A therapist will also work to provide you with a non-judgmental or biased approach in situations where friends may not be able to. And in some cases, you might not feel ready to tell a friend certain things for different reasons but one may be that it’s possible that friend may have trouble keeping it to themselves or holding space for you in the way that you need right now. A therapist is ethically and legally obligated to keep what you say private (with the exception of threats of serious harm to yourself or someone else or danger to a child). Clinicians are trained to set their stuff aside to be able to create safety and hold space for you in whatever you bring into the room with them. Friends may also give you unsolicited advice, where a therapist will approach topics and issues from a trained perspective giving you what you need to learn and grow. 

I’ll have to be in therapy forever 

Therapy will look different for everyone. Therapy is for you to take from it what you want, it doesn’t be forever if you don’t want it to. Some people do stay in therapy long-term because it’s effective for them and their treatment. Others may have shorter-term goals that take a few months only. Some people may return to therapy multiple times in life as they go through new life transitions or have different events happen. There is no one right way of therapy. As you go through therapy, new topics or issues may arise either from your exploration in therapy or different life events. As such, your goals may shift throughout your therapy experience, which can also impact the length of therapy. Your therapist should also be checking in with you on how the sessions are going, where progress is at, and when discharge from treatment may be appropriate. These conversations help both you the client and the therapist, assess how goals and treatment are going, any new needs or goals to be worked on, and highlight growth made. 

Therapy is too expensive 

Therapy is an investment in yourself, much like going to the gym or eating nutritious foods. As stated above, therapy does not have to be a forever investment. However, if you spend the money and time emotionally investing in this process, you will feel better and be able to manage your life easier. Feeling confident, organized, and in tune with yourself is priceless. You will open many doors for yourself just by feeling more balanced and having control of your health and well-being. Think long-term goals with short-term investment. 

Many therapists understand the frustration and difficulty that comes with finding a good therapist that fits your needs. It can be hard to find affordable therapy, but that doesn’t mean it’s unavailable. There are a lot of therapists who provide sliding scale or fee reduction options for clients. Many agencies bring on interns or pre-licensed clinicians who charge less because they are still in training. Yet, these clinicians are heavily supervised, thus giving you two therapists for the price of one! Most agencies will help you navigate the in-network and out of network insurance reimbursement you can receive for treatment as well. Lastly, different non-profit organizations or community mental health agencies also offer lower-fee therapy options. Don’t dismiss your needs or therapy interest without asking providers for options.

Next steps

Now that you have a better understanding of the facts of therapy versus the myths of therapy, take some time to reflect on what you can do next to support yourself. Think about any therapy myths you have heard or learned to believe and start to challenge some of them as you read in this article. Therapy can be a supportive, empowering, reflective, beautiful life changing experience. You deserve that space. If you are interested in learning more about therapy and what we can offer you at The Better You Institute, please call us today at 267-495-4951 to set up an appointment with one of our trained therapists.

Learn more about Caitlin Siekerka ⇒

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What is PCOS-related depression, and how can you manage it? 

Are you dealing with both PCOS and depression? Learn how these conditions are connected and find ways to manage your symptoms effectively. PCOS can cause physical changes like weight gain and excess hair growth, which may lead to low self-esteem and depression. This article  offers practical advice on managing symptoms through medication, diet, self-care, and therapy. 

*Disclaimer* The terms “male” and “female” will be used throughout this article to refer to assigned sex at birth. They do not define the gender identity of the person that may be experiencing these symptoms. 

What is PCOS?

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is an endocrine disorder that can be seen in females. There is no singular known cause, but usually, people with this condition can be seen with higher levels of the reproductive hormone known as androgens. Increased androgen levels may lead to cysts that form on the ovaries due to a lack of ovulation. 

What is an endocrine disorder?

An endocrine disorder is a hormone imbalance resulting from an endocrine gland that makes an excess or deficit of a hormone. This disorder can be caused by genetics, infection, or injury to the endocrine gland. Tumors can also develop in the endocrine system, causing an endocrine disorder. 

Physical Symptoms from PCOS

Those with PCOS often are insulin resistant or have elevated insulin levels. Some symptoms of PCOS may include missed periods, enlarged ovaries or cysts, inflammation, hirsutism (excessive body hair growth), weight gain, acne, thinning hair, infertility, skin tags, and dark/thick skin patches on the back, the bust and the back of the neck. If you are experiencing these symptoms and have not done so already, consult a doctor. There was no cure for PCOS when this article was written, but there are ways to help manage its symptoms.

Ways to manage: Physical Health and Advocacy at the doctor’s office.

A major factor in PCOS management is keeping track of our physical health. This can manifest in various ways, the most common being diet and exercise, but also ensuring that you maintain checkups at the doctor’s office. A doctor can provide medication with specific areas you want to target as related to symptoms, they can also help you find new cysts on ovaries or answer any questions that you may have regarding your diagnosis. However, it is important to bring awareness to when a doctor is helping and when a doctor is hurting. 

Speaking up for yourself and your symptoms at a doctor’s office can often be incredibly scary and overwhelming. Especially for people with a disorder such as PCOS that is not fully understood and often overlooked. It is frustrating to go from doctor to doctor, doing test after test without finding out what is “wrong” with you. One thing you can do to advocate for yourself is write down a specific list of things you want to discuss with your doctor. Oftentimes, doctors do not have the time allocated to go over every symptom in one visit, so writing down your most pressing concerns may be the right way to go. Doing this also allows you to gather your thoughts and know precisely what you want to say, so when the time comes that the doctor asks you what’s going on, you can give them a thought-out and concise answer. If you are in psychotherapy with someone specializing in PCOS, the therapist can help you create this list and empower you to advocate for yourself. 

Another part of advocating for yourself is knowing when it is okay to find another doctor. If you feel your doctor does not hear you, they are dismissing you or your symptoms, or belittling you in any way, shape, or form, it is time to find a new doctor. “Firing” your doctor may seem like something that could be challenging or awkward, but in the end, finding a practitioner that fits you and your PCOS symptoms will be better for your mental health in the long run.

PCOS as it relates to marginalized populations

PCOS for BIPOC

Research on this topic is still few and far between, and we are still not close to cracking the “true” cause of PCOS. Although any race may be affected by PCOS, black and Latinx females disproportionately experience PCOS in the severity of symptoms and frequency. Latinx people have the highest rates of androgen levels and insulin resistance. Although people of color may be experiencing elevated symptoms compared to white women, systemic issues often cause a lack of research with these specific populations or a lack of concern or overlooking symptoms from doctors. 

PCOS for LGBTQ+

Trans and non-binary people may experience symptoms of PCOS differently than cisgender women. Some trans and non-binary folks (depending on the way they wish to present) may find that their PCOS symptoms, such as extra facial and body hair growth, may cause symptoms of gender euphoria, which creates immense joy and comfort in affirming true gender identity but that may not be the case for everyone. However, the medical community still has a long way to go in terms of language and care of trans and non-binary people as it is still disproportionately gendered to strictly feminine terms and treatment suggestions. As trans and non-binary people, your mental and physical health is just as important as any cisgender woman, and you deserve to find a provider and treatment that works for you. 

Depression

Having PCOS can come with a whole gamut of psychological and emotional problems. Depression is the most prominent diagnosis; therefore, this article will focus on depression and PCOS. The signs of depression may not always be clearly defined or understood, specifically to those experiencing these symptoms for the first time. Depression can look like so much more than feeling sad or anything psychological.

Depressive symptoms can also be physical or behavioral. Some psychological components may include guilt, hopelessness, apathy, loss of interest in activities, mood swings, and sadness, including thoughts of suicide. Examples of physical effects of depression are trouble sleeping (either waking up or falling asleep), over or under-eating, weight gain/loss, or behavior issues like social withdrawal and unbridled crying. People with depression can experience any number of these symptoms, and depression can result from several issues. However, for continuity, symptoms of depression will be examined as they relate to PCOS symptoms. 

PCOS-related depression

The link between hormone disorders and mental illness has shown to be a strong one. As previously mentioned, people experiencing symptoms of PCOS may also develop depression. Many believed contributing factors are discussed below. However, research has not found one particular cause of PCOS-related depression. Only many are theorized beliefs for the various “roots” of the problem. 

Inflammation

Inflammation in the body has been prevalent in some patients with PCOS. When inflammation occurs, the body swells to heal when injured or ill. People with PCOS suffer from inflammation more frequently than people without because of proteins in their blood. Chronic inflammation leads the body to attack its own cells and can cause inflammation to persist for months or years. During this process, the body releases cortisol, a hormone that acts as an anti-inflammatory to help decrease the swelling and stress on the body. 

Many studies show that cortisol is made in the adrenal glands that release the hormone to the pituitary gland and hypothalamus. Cortisol plays a vast role in the body. Not only does it help with stress, but it regulates blood sugar, metabolism, forming memories, and sleep. Cortisol is often triggered in scenarios of fight or flight. 

A fight or flight response can happen in immediate physical danger, like getting robbed or seeing someone in danger. However, fight or flight also happens during emotional or psychological stressors such as sitting in traffic or answering text messages. These scenarios have no visible threat, yet, the body often feels drained from this experience. Chronic physical stress may lead to depression because your body is constantly in a fight or flight state, which it struggles to maintain. Depression is how your body shuts down your fight or flight when your parasympathetic nervous system becomes overwhelmed. 

Weight Gain 

As discussed earlier, people with PCOS often have difficulty producing either too much or too little insulin. Larger-bodied people are more likely to have PCOS, similar to how people with PCOS are more likely to gain weight more frequently. When there is an inability to regulate insulin properly, weight is easily influenced by this. For those who have PCOS, it can be incredibly difficult to lose or gain weight. Large amounts of weight gain explicitly impact depression by increasing inflammation, which also increases cortisol levels, as discussed above. As we gain weight, it is extremely common to become emotionally distressed and discouraged by the changes in our appearance. It is important to remember that you are far more than just how your body looks, and our bodies are meant to change over time. 

Infertility

Many of those who have PCOS may experience problems with infertility. Elevated levels of androgens result in the absence of ovulation. Without ovulation, it leads to infertility problems. Sometimes, these infertility problems can lead to depression. Those experiencing struggles with infertility may feel guilt, hopelessness, frustration, and feelings of worthlessness. Although not everyone may develop these feelings based on infertility, it is important to acknowledge that every experience is valid.  

Social Stigma and Body Image

PCOS is a disorder that may bring up a lot of negative feelings toward oneself. Whether that be issues with weight gain, infertility, or excessive facial and body hair, any of these things can influence self-esteem in a way that causes negative thoughts toward our bodies. How we speak to and think about ourselves can cause issues with body image. Societal expectations from our families, peers, and the media often perpetuate these shame-inducing ideas of what we should and should not look like. Having formed an idea of what a “perfect body” should look like, it is easy to compare ourselves to that image of what we “should” look like in our head, this can be especially troublesome if you suffer from PCOS and believe that your symptoms are keeping you from your desired appearance, weight, life, etc.

Some questions to ask yourself to see if your PCOS is impacting your self-esteem: 

1. Are any of my PCOS symptoms related to my idea of gender?
2. What is my idea of gender?
3. Do I feel broken because I’m having fertility issues due to my PCOS?
4. Do I still feel attractive with facial/body hair?
5. Does my PCOS affect my social life?
6. Am I uncomfortable telling my friends and family about my PCOS symptoms?
7. Would I feel more comfortable in my body if I did not have these symptoms?
8. Do I hide myself or my body because of my PCOS?
9. Has gaining weight made me feel any less desirable?
10. Do I feel like no one can relate to my symptoms? 
11. Do I often feel down on myself or my life when I think of my PCOS diagnosis?
12. Do I beat myself up when I have a PCOS-related symptom?
13. Do I feel less than others because I have PCOS and they don’t? 
14. When I think of my PCOS, I feel worthless, unloveable, or not good enough. 

If you answered yes to some, most, or all of these questions, you may be experiencing low self-esteem due to your PCOS. Don’t worry, there are some things that you can do to boost your self-esteem regarding your PCOS symptoms. 

How to separate yourself from your diagnosis 

A crucial part of separating yourself from your diagnosis is remembering that you are, first and foremost, a person and not a diagnosis. For example, I have PCOS symptoms, or I am a person with PCOS versus I’m diseased with PCOS. If you struggle with infertility, you are a person with fertility issues rather than infertile. What language you use is so important and can have a significant impact on how you see yourself and your mental health. 

You are so much more than your symptoms. Another way to separate yourself from your PCOS is not to get caught up in the name of the diagnosis. PCOS can often look like a myriad of symptoms that are different for every person. Just because the internet lists a particular symptom of PCOS online that scares you does not mean you will develop it. Your symptoms are entirely unique to you.

Creating your own definition of femininity 

Cisgender women suffering from PCOS symptoms can often struggle with the idea of femininity. Whether you are suffering from excessive weight gain, infertility, facial or body hair, or low sex drive, these symptoms can take a toll on our definition of what it means to be a woman. Your experience with femininity may not look the same as other women’s; that can be something to grieve over. A big part of your journey with PCOS may be that you create your own definition of what it means to be feminine, even if it does not look like the traditional definition or societal norm. 

Being kind to yourself

The most important part of an uphill battle with self-esteem issues is remembering to give yourself grace. With a diagnosis such as PCOS, it can be extremely easy to speak negatively about yourself because of your symptoms. Practicing kindness to yourself can start in a really simple way, stand in front of a mirror and say a few nice things about yourself. If you do not feel like you are in a place where you can think of anything nice to say about yourself physically, you can talk about your personality, style, or anything else you can think of. Try this out for a few days before you wake up rather than focusing on your perceived negatives about yourself. Ultimately, the goal is to lean into you the way you are right now. Can you learn to love the parts of yourself impacted by PCOS?

PCOS-related depression management:

Medicine 

After consulting with a doctor, it is possible to take specific medication to treat not only the symptoms of depression but PCOS as well. For instance, medication to treat insulin resistance can help reduce androgen levels and promote ovulation. Metformin is often recommended for PCOS to treat insulin resistance because it helps lower insulin and blood sugar levels. If you are attempting to get pregnant, clomifene is meant to help encourage monthly egg releases, and spironolactone can be beneficial as an anti-androgen. If you are unsure if medication would be the right path for you and your PCOS symptoms, research various ones and then speak to a doctor about your options. 

To treat depression specifically, there are a variety of different medications that you can take to treat your symptoms. Common depression medications include zoloft and prozac. However, it may take a few tries with different brands to find what alleviates symptoms. For many people, medication is an option that is typically used along with psychotherapy.

Diet and Exercise 

Diet changes don’t always have to be to gain or lose weight. In this case, worsening or bettering PCOS symptoms are tied to diet and exercise. Specifically, anti-inflammatory diets and low-impact levels of exercise, like walking or yoga, can help reduce certain symptoms. A diet that is highly recommended is the Mediterranean diet. It suggests avoiding fried food, saturated fats, red meat, processed snacks, foods and drinks high in sugar, alcoholic drinks, and refined carbs like pizza dough. The Mediterranean diet promotes omega-3-rich fish, olive oil, whole grains, beans, and fruits and vegetables. Using this diet is meant to promote long-term sustainability in a diet and lower inflammation and insulin resistance. Although these changes will not “cure” anything overnight, the goal is to lessen some symptoms of PCOS and depression over time. 

Self-care related to PCOS-related depression

A big aspect of gaining control over your PCOS-related depression is developing a healthy self-care routine. For those struggling with depression related to self-esteem issues caused by symptoms of PCOS, such as unwanted hair growth, knowing that it is okay to allow yourself to get your face and body hair waxed or lasered off. Removing skin tags or seeing a nutritionist about starting a PCOS-safe diet are also options. If infertility is something that you struggle with, you may wish to talk to a doctor about getting cysts removed, starting insulin or fertility treatments. A part of self-care is also knowing how different symptoms affect you, you may not wish to try to reverse some or any of the physical symptoms of PCOS, and that is perfectly normal. It is important to be mindful of where you are mentally with your symptoms and build what you consider your version of self-care from there.

Psychotherapy 

It’s no secret that therapy is usually a go-to treatment when dealing with symptoms of depression. It can be especially important when dealing with PCOS-related depression. PCOS can frequently leave people feeling isolated as if they are the only ones dealing with these symptoms. Building a sense of community with people facing similar experiences as you can be so normalizing and feel empowering. Going to group therapy specifically for PCOS-related depression is a great solution to gain that bond with others and learn coping skills to manage symptoms. 

Individual therapy is also a great option if a niche group such as the one discussed above is not available to you or if you do not feel comfortable sharing in a larger group setting. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) are two different therapeutic models that directly challenge negative thoughts and can rework how we think about ourselves. Talk to your therapist directly about exploring these different approaches and find what works best for you and your depression. 

To sum up, PCOS is an endocrine disorder that can look very different in every person affected. This variety could come in physical or psychological symptoms, leaving people dealing with them feeling completely and utterly alone. Depression can come from a variety of areas that are linked to PCOS. Whether you are struggling with depression caused by physical changes in your body, self-esteem issues, infertility, etc., therapy may be the right place to discuss these feelings. If you want to explore your mental health issues related to your PCOS or have questions about starting the process, feel free to schedule an appointment at The Better You Institute with one of our Philadelphia therapists. Call us today at 267-495-4951 to set up your appointment. 

Chandler Donny, a Professional Counseling Intern, views life as a novel where each chapter builds upon the previous, revealing patterns that shape our future. She believes in providing a judgment-free space for clients to share their stories, especially focusing on being an ally to the LGBTQ+ and POC communities. With experience in narrative therapy and relational-cultural theory from her master’s program, Chandler tailors her approach to individual needs. Originally from California with a bachelor’s degree in psychology from California State University, Fresno, she moved to Philadelphia for her master’s in mental health counseling at Temple University. Chandler plans to work with children and adults in therapeutic services, driven by her love for the city and her commitment to helping clients write new, positive chapters in their lives.

Learn more about Chandler Donny⇒

The post PCOS and depression: What’s the link? appeared first on The Better You Institute.

Body image impacts mental health. Negative body image can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Improving body image by trying new activities, creating a list of positive traits, taking breaks from social media, focusing on how you feel rather than how you look, exercising out of self-love, eating nourishing food, and surrounding yourself with supportive people, you will feel better from inside to outside. 

What is body image?

Body image is a person’s thoughts, feelings, and perception of the aesthetics or [sexual] attractiveness of their own body. When you look at yourself in the mirror or think of how you look and feel, you often hold beliefs about your own appearance. These beliefs include assumptions, memories, messages (familial, cultural, societal), and generalizations about yourself. 

Body image is complex. Body image is influenced by internal (i.e., personality) and external (i.e., social environment) factors. The person sitting next to you can have a different idea of what body image means to them. For some people, it can be as simple as “I like my body” or “I don’t like my body.” For others, it can be more complex, such as “I love my arms, but hate my legs,” “My body is incredible, it gave me my child. My body has no limits,” “My body betrayed me, it has hormonal imbalances due to my PCOS.” 

Different combinations of body image can be:

• Perception of how your body looks to you and others
• Cultural-driven beliefs about what your body and other bodies should look like
• Feelings about your body and body parts
• Evaluation of different parts of your body
• Understanding the capabilities of what your body can and can’t do
• An alignment or misalignment with your body’s makeup and mind (e.g., cis vs. trans)
• Your body’s potential

Four types of body image

Body image can be broken down into four different aspects. The four areas are the perceptual, affective, cognitive, and behavioral. The way we view, see, think, and engage with our bodies has a direct impact on the image we create about ourselves. 

• Perceptual
  • The way you SEE your body is your perceptual body image. This is not always aligned with the correct representation of how you actually look.
    • Example: “I am fat.” 
• Affective
  • The way you FEEL about your body is your affective body image. When a person shows a positive body image, they might feel happiness compared to a person with a negative body image who might feel disgusted. The effective body image is the amount you feel (happiness versus disgust) about your weight, shape, and individual body parts). 
    • Example: “I am disgusting because I am fat.”
• Cognitive
  • The way you THINK about your body is your cognitive body image. Individuals with negative body image can overthink or become preoccupied regarding their body shape and weight.
    • Example: “I will never find a partner because I am fat.”
• Behavioral
  • The BEHAVIORS you engage in as a result of your body image are your behavioral body image. These are the things you do in relation to the way you look. Individuals who are dissatisfied with the way they look might isolate themselves from others as a result of negative body image. 
    • Example: “I don’t date because I am fat.”

Why do people have poor body image?

Body image perception can be influenced in different ways. Research has shown that young children as early as three or four years old hold attitudes about body shape. As children grow up, they are constantly consuming messages regarding body image. Adolescence is a critical period for body image development due to various changes occurring. When bodies begin changing during puberty, dissatisfaction can deepen. These perceptions are influenced by what they see in media, in school, their parents, etc.). Perceptions are also influenced by what children hear. These messages aren’t always directed at the child either. A mother who is always dieting and consistently calls herself fat in front of their child will have a child who is more tuned in to their own body and how it looks and what they are eating than a mother who exudes confidence in her own body. 

Factors that affect body image

Body image issues typically transform from a few different factors. The attitude we have toward our body shape and size can be connected to our past events and circumstances. Research has shown that the main factors that influence body image are:

1. Peers
   • Body image issues can come from comparison and judgment. If you constantly compare yourself to the person next to you, you may struggle to feel confident, strong, and beautiful. Comparison is known to be the thief of joy, especially when we are comparing our bodies, relationships, and lives to other people.
   • Our peers may also impact our narrative around our own body image or bodies in general. If a friend constantly worries about what they eat because they think they are fat, you may start to think you are fat and that you should watch what you eat because you learn that to fit in, you have to care about how you look. 
2. Family
   • • Family attitudes and beliefs have been shown to affect body image. When growing up, you could have had a parent or family member that was unhappy or displeased with their body. That parent or family member inadvertently passed on many messages to you that you might have internalized as a young child. Another way you might have experienced body image issues stemming from your family could be if you were constantly criticized or judged regularly in your family. Now as an adult, because of the constant criticism in your family, you are more vulnerable to being hard on yourself about your size and weight. 
3. Media
   • • • The media, especially social media, is not always what it seems. The media sets unrealistic standards that are not achievable. Scrolling through social media feeds and looking at unobtainable body images is not healthy. People using social media often measure happiness by how many likes or views they receive. As social media grows the younger and younger its consumers are. Young boys and girls are now at a higher risk of developing anxiety and depression that is linked to a negative body image. Social media has been found to be fueling a mental health crisis due to an increase in anxiety and depression and loneliness, specifically in young women. 

The connection between behaviors, thoughts, and emotions 

Chances are you know or heard of someone who either currently or previously had an unhealthy relationship with exercise or eating due to a negative body image. Anyone of any size can struggle with body image, and changing your body will not necessarily heal your body image. Body image is more mental than physical. The way we feel and think about our bodies can impact our actions. Individuals with a negative body image can engage in damaging behaviors due to how they think and feel about their bodies, while those who have a positive body image might engage in more healthy behaviors.

Working towards a healthy body image can be challenging because many of us have internalized messages about our bodies from a young age. These messages can lead to either a positive or negative body image, and oftentimes we see individuals with a negative body image. Body image can influence our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in both negative and positive ways. Examples of these T/E/B (thoughts, emotions, and behaviors) include:

Negative body image may lead to other issues

Holding a negative belief about your body image can lead to other issues in life. These issues include but are not limited to…

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Mood disorders
• Lower self-esteem
• Loneliness
• Unhealthy self-talk
• Self-harm tendencies
• Disordered eating patterns
  • 20 million women and 10 million men in the US will have an eating disorder at some point in their life 
• Body dysmorphic disorder
• Relationships issues
• Low confidence
• Dissociative disorders
• Distorted thinking patterns
• Sexual dysfunction

Individuals who are overly dissatisfied with how their bodies look have a higher risk of developing the issues listed above. Indeed, dissatisfaction with your body can lead to several emotional and physical unhealthy habits.

How to improve body image

1. Explore new activities where you have the space to discover how your body works and what it is capable of.
   • Allow yourself to take the time to reconnect with your body. Explore new activities with a curious mind and without any judgment. 
2. Create a list of the top things you like about yourself
   • Writing down a list of things you like about yourself on paper can be powerful. When making your list think about your body, personality, perspective, sense of humor, creativity, character, physical features, etc.
3. Detox from social media
   • Giving yourself a break from social media can be beneficial. Give yourself either a few days or weeks where you have the space and mental clarity to reset your self-image. Whether it is giving up one social media platform (Instagram, TikTok, Facebook) or all of them together, you will see changes in your mental clarity. 
4. Focus on how you feel rather than how you look
   • Check-in with how your body is feeling and ask yourself what you need. Checking in with yourself allows you the space to give your body what it needs. Things your body might need could be food, water, a long shower, a peaceful walk, or maybe a phone call with a friend. By focusing on how you are feeling internally, you are giving yourself permission to take care of yourself.
   • Work out because you love your body, not because you hate it.
     • • There is always a balance that you are working towards regarding exercise. The human body is capable of so many amazing things, and we take our bodies with us for our entire lives. Instead of celebrating all of the things our body can do, we can fall into punishing our body for the way it looks. Reframing the way you think about your body can be helpful because we should work towards exercising because we love our body, not because we hate it.
   • Nourish your body with food that will make you feel good.
     • • Work towards feeling good about the food you put into your body. Be kind to yourself as you are finding the balance in consuming food that will fill your body with energy and nutrients.
5. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting, and loving people

• • You are who you surround yourself with. This applies both in real life and online. Try surrounding yourself with good friends who accept you both on the inside and outside. Start following people online who promote body positivity and who are supportive. 

Starting the process

Body image issues can impact your mental health. It can be challenging to start the process of changing the way you feel and think about your body. Therapy can be a useful way to assist you with creating a more realistic and positive body image. If you want to explore your mental health issues related to body image or have questions about starting the process, feel free to schedule an appointment at The Better You institute with one of our Philadelphia therapists. Call us today, at 267-495-4951 to set up your appointment. 

Claire Savage, M.Ed, a Professional Counselor and Practicum and Intern Liaison, is known for her caring and open-minded nature. Her background as a first-generation Irish American has shaped her focus on identity development in therapy, helping clients understand their passions, purpose, and values. Drawing from her Division I Rowing experience at Temple University, Claire emphasizes the importance of mental health and the role of failure in personal growth. She approaches therapy like a puzzle, using person-centered, experiential, somatic, emotionally focused, and cognitive behavioral approaches to help clients gain new perspectives and control over their lives. Claire holds a Bachelor’s and Master’s in Counseling Psychology from Temple University. Passionate about Philadelphia, she enjoys exploring coffee shops, attending workout classes, and spending time with loved ones. Claire is dedicated to guiding clients on their wellness journey.

Learn more about Claire Savage ⇒

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Feeling stuck in a monotonous routine? It’s time to shake things up and rediscover your zest for life! Routines provide structure, but they can also make you feel unfulfilled. Try making small changes to your daily habits, exploring new surroundings, picking up hobbies, traveling, checking off your bucket list, practicing self-care, and being mindful. These tips can rejuvenate your day, boost your mental well-being, and bring excitement back into your life. Embrace the possibilities and start making changes today. If you need more support, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist for guidance.

Routines Are Helpful

Routine is the music track of our lives that we listen to every day. It is common to have a daily routine. You get up in the morning, brush your teeth, take a shower, maybe grab some breakfast or coffee, and go to work or school. Once you’re at school or work, you succumb to your daily rituals that help you get the tasks at hand completed and be on your way.

Routine keeps you regulated throughout your day. You leave work or school then go to the gym, pick up your kids, go grocery shopping, come straight home, etc. Before you know it, it’s time for bed to wash and repeat the next day.

Here, your brain can focus on the things that take more energy or thought. Unlike pouring your cereal in the morning, doing hard math in school or brainstorming how to troubleshoot a big project with coworkers takes a lot of brain power. Routines help you organize your time and focus your brain so that it doesn’t exert too much energy on the easier tasks.

Therefore, having a daily routine leaves you feeling accomplished in the day’s tasks that are repetitive and those that take a bit more thought, as well as calm or regulated. 

Indeed, our brains crave routine, habit, and predictability. We are wired to recognize similarities and feel comforted by this (or in the case of a traumatic history, feeling unsettled by something that feels familiar to our trauma). In the same vein, we create habits and routine as a way to seek comfort and calmness.

Our body and mind can only maintain chaos for so long until we break. That is, we get sick, we can’t focus, we feel drained or depressed, etc. Forming a plan and sticking to it can help us feel settled and can be great for our overall well-being. 

When Routine Becomes A Limitation

Routine can become repetitive, mundane, or dull. Because routine is so predictable, you can go on autopilot with your actions, leaving you space to ponder life’s biggest questions. You wonder, is this all life is- Birth, School, Work, Relationships, and Death? You stop and think, “am I going into the right path in life”? “Did I make the “right” choices that lead me to where I am today?” “Is this my life’s purpose?” Oftentimes, people find themselves asking these questions and having major doubts. 

You’re reading this because you’re under the thought domain that humans were not meant just to work and pay bills (live to work). We are meant for so much more than that (work to live). Here are some tips to show yourself that you are meant for so much more than what you are currently doing in your life. The idea here is to find the perfect balance of predictability and nuance in your life. 

To find balance in your life where you feel calm and in control but also not bored, underwhelmed, and stuck, follow these tips for breaking the routine:

Breaking The Routine Tip 1. Change the small things 

The goal is to get out of your comfort zone, that is your routine. You can start with the little things in your daily routine before you even leave your bedroom. Below are some examples:

1. Make your bed but try making it up differently each day. Research shows that making your bed will help you gain a sense of accomplishment and can help you face your day (this is the structured part). Moving pillows around or folding the top blanket differently each day, can add nuance to your routine. It helps you exercise the creative part of your brain.

1. If you are a coffee drinker, try a different kind of coffee or try adding something different to your coffee. See if you can taste the difference. Here you are giving your sensory neurons something different to pay attention to.

1. Wake up earlier than you usually do to make breakfast instead of buying it. Again, you are tapping into the creative part of your brain by having to make food but also may feel good about saving money, making something healthy, completing a task, the list goes on! Or, if you like the human interaction you get at the cafe you go to, try a new cafe once in a while.

As you can see, you’re still sticking to a routine: waking up, making your bed, drinking coffee, and eating breakfast. However, these small changes can revive your previously drab day and activate different parts of your brain, which may help you later in more difficult tasks. Small changes will prepare you to change the bigger things in your life as they come up.

Breaking The Routine Tip 2. Change your surroundings 

Instead of coming home from work and starting your evening routine, try going for a walk or at least sit outside for a bit. Enjoy exploring the world that is around you. Nature can have a calming effect. When we feel calm, our capacity to take on new things, get things done, or hold space for chaos increases. Too often, routine has you focused on the task at hand. Thus, not allowing you to notice the nuances surrounding you. 

Additionally, changing your surroundings can spark more creativity. If you have a work project, a school project, studying, etc., try completing them outside, or at least in a different space than you normally complete them in. Move away from any distractions that you have in your living space such as your television or cell phone. These types of distractions can draw you away from being intentional about breaking out of the mundane.

Breaking The Routine Tip 3. Pick up a hobby  

A hobby that is different and exciting can be something you enjoy at the end of the day! Feeling excited (versus bored or robotic) throughout your day keeps you driven. A hobby that allows you to liberate yourself from the usual life stressors can benefit you mentally and physically.

According to Dani Dipirro of Positivity Present, hobbies cause what is called eustress, a positive kind of stress that helps you feel more fulfilled and have more positive feelings about what you’re doing in life. You deserve to feel excited about life. It holds so many possibilities. Try a painting class or read that book you heard about from a coworker. 

Breaking The Routine Tip 4. Travel

During your daily routine, you probably see the same people, same traffic, and same surroundings. By traveling into different areas, it could potentially change how you view current aspects of your life as well as increase the depths of your emotions, knowledge base, and so much more. Traveling causes people to step outside of their comfort zone by reflecting upon their own lives. Traveling can put things in perspective for you and help you to make some realizations about yourself and those surrounding you.

You have the opportunity to interact with different people that you come across, learn something new, and be challenged in a positive way that routine can’t offer. Even if you just travel to the next town over, you’re stimulating yourself in new ways. You’re giving yourself the opportunity to hear new perspectives and have new opportunities arise. This new stimulation will help you with breaking the routine of your daily life. 

Breaking The Routine Tip 5. Check things off your bucket list

Do you have that one thing that you’ve always wanted to do, but you’ve been putting it off for various reasons? Now is the time to act! Your daily routine has set you up in a way that is safe. Now, utilize your safe homebase to do some exploring. Take that vacation, try a new hobby, ask that person out you’ve been eyeing. Say yes to yourself and finally check something off of that bucket list you keep putting off.

Whether it’s something minuscule like making certain recipes you found online, or something substantial like traveling throughout Europe for three months. You should reward yourself for the hard work that you put into your daily life. Do something you would love to do.

Breaking The Routine Tip 6. Self Care

Self-care is a large factor in coping with daily stressors.  Self-care consists of everything related to staying mentally and physically healthy including hygiene, nutrition, and medical care when needed. Typically, there are two levels of self-care. The first level focuses on relaxation and calmness, and is behavioral. Some examples include getting your nails done, going for a round of golf, singing, taking a bath, or dancing. These are all different versions of behavioral self-care.

The other level of self-care is more introspective in nature. Going to therapy, reading self-help books, praying, or meditating are all versions of the more reflective, emotional self-care. Self-care can look different for everyone and it does not have to be the same thing everytime. Studies have shown that self-care promotes positive health outcomes such as resilience, living longer, and becoming better equipped to manage stress.

Breaking The Routine Tip 7. Intentional Mindfulness

Introduce the practice of mindfulness into your routine. You will find yourself catching things you didn’t know were present. Mindfulness can also clear your mind. With a clear mind, you increase your brain’s capacity to take on new tasks. Mindfulness is also a form of self-care. When we get stuck in the routine or grind of the week, we often lose sight of making sure we’re at our best. 

Breaking the routine of your daily life is about noticing and opening yourself up to all the possibilities that are out there in this world. By doing just one of these tips, you are breaking your daily routine. Change is not easy; it can be extremely hard in the beginning. You will start to see a domino effect once you start breaking your daily routine.

You will find yourself moving forward in a new and positive way. Your mindset will begin to change. Through breaking the routine of your daily life, you may feel a higher sense of purpose. You will be able to define your own reason for being here. After reading this article, if you’re still struggling at breaking your daily routine, The Better You Institute can help you refine your skills. Call us at 267-495-4951 to set up an appointment. 

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Grounding techniques bring you back to the present moment, helping you calm down and regain control. They include focusing on your senses, like noticing what you can see, touch, hear, smell, and taste, or using mental exercises, such as visualizing a calming place. Practicing these techniques regularly can help you manage stress better and return to a state of balance.

Try incorporating grounding techniques into your daily routine to feel more centered and peaceful.

What does it mean to ground yourself?

Grounding does not just mean telling ourselves to calm down, and then we magically calm down. Instead, grounding ourselves involves the repeated practice of exercises and an understanding of what works or doesn’t work for us. When we are grounding, we anchor ourselves back into our body, the moment, or the task at hand, to ultimately feel more in control of ourselves and decrease the emotional experience that leaves us feeling out of control.

Grounding techniques range from literally taking off our shoes and socks and putting our feet on the ground for an actual connection to the earth to using our whole body, including our five senses. Using our body as a grounding resource, we can be more present in our surroundings and snap back to reality. When we feel escalated, we are often overstimulated emotionally or physically. Grounding techniques help our body become destimulated and get back to baseline.  

When we are disconnected from our mind (think dissociating or avoiding) or our body (think freezing up or having panic attacks), it can be hard to stay grounded. Our nervous system gets triggered and puts us in a fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode where we are not feeling present or like our usual selves. We become more dysregulated. 

The use of grounding for mild triggering situations is worthwhile. It’s also an excellent extra kick or jolts to become centered or back in our own body when we experience more escalated triggers. With grounding techniques, we can have a tool to check us back into our mind and body and return to a more regulated state. Since our mind and body are almost always in motion, grounding can be a way to slow down and proceed more mindfully in our day.

Questions to ask yourself: 

• How do you know you’re grounded? What does it feel like to you? 
• How long does it take you to feel grounded after an intense emotional experience?
• What has helped you ground yourself or return to a more calm state? 
• What has gotten in your way of returning to a grounded state?
• Do you respond more mentally (ex: criticizing, disorganized thoughts, zoning out), emotionally (uncontrollable sobbing, depressed to the point of not getting out of bed), or physically (ex: panic attacks, punching self or things, feeling faint) to triggers? 
• How do you describe your reactions and coping after stressful or emotional moments? 
• How have others described your reactions and coping after stressful or emotional moments?

Different types of grounding techniques

The three grounding styles are Mental, Physical, and Self-soothing. These grounding styles can be used individually or in combination with one another. Below are descriptions and examples of the three different grounding technique styles.

Mental grounding

Mental grounding is where we work on focusing our minds on helping calm us down. Focusing our mind can be used when we are in a disorganized or chaotic mental state and disconnecting from reality. Times we may experience this disconnection can include having racing thoughts, flashback images from a trauma, or if we are dissociating. Examples of mental grounding include: 

• Using imagery – Picturing a pleasant or relaxing place like the beach, your best friend’s smiling face, or your pet
• Playing a categories game – Picking a topic and listing all the names or categories in that topic. An example here could be naming all the animals in a zoo, naming the presidents, listing all the Netflix shows you’ve binged 
• Counting backward from 10 or even 100 (you can play around with what number you need to go to until you feel calmer)
• Singing (or talking out) your favorite song
• Reciting a favorite story or poem
• Reading an engaging or funny book
• Talking yourself through an enjoyable daily activity in very descriptive detail

Physical Grounding Techniques

Physical techniques focus more on centering the body, so think of your senses and breath. These can be used when experiencing panic attacks, out-of-body feelings, or urges to hurt yourself. 

• 54321 exercise – Identifying and saying out loud 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste
• Holding ice cubes in your hands until they melt
• Taking a really cold or scorching shower
• Using Progressive Muscle Relaxation
• Finding a grounding object that you can bring everywhere and that has a soothing effect (small rock, small fidget toy, small cloth)
• Going outside to lay on the grass or sand if you’re at the beach and notice your 5 senses 
• Using box breathing (breath in for 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4, hold for 4 and repeat this at least 3 times)
• Hugging yourself, your partner, your best friend, or your pet
• Going for a run or dancing and noticing your heartbeat or how your body moves to rhythms
• Noticing how your body feels in the chair you’re sitting in or the clothes you’re wearing

Soothing Grounding Techniques

Self-soothing techniques focus on positive moments or experiences, having positive self-talk, and showing ourselves compassion. These techniques can help when we are stuck in a negative self-talk cycle and can look like us shifting our self-talk or engaging in helpful self-care.

• Challenging and shifting your self-talk – It can help to imagine what you would tell a friend or a small child who is talking negatively to themselves and try to take your advice
• Showing yourself compassion through a hug: Hugging yourself or a person you love. Or your pet!
• Picturing someone you love or looking at pictures or videos of them
• Creating a safe, soothing statement or coping statement. An example can be “I am safe at this moment,”… “You are loved,”… “This feeling/moment will pass.” 
• List or envision positive people or things in your life
• Using prayer or spiritual scriptures that uplift you
• Play a song that is uplifting, soothing, or holds positive meaning to you

Questions to ask yourself:

• What techniques resonated with you?
• Did this list spark any more ideas from you? If so, what are they? 
• Are there some grounding techniques you already use? How well do they work for you?
• If you could pick at least 1 example technique from each category, which ones would you choose?
• Can you set a start date this week to begin practicing at least 1 technique?
• Are there family or friends you can invite into the space to remind you to practice these grounding techniques? Or allow them to encourage you to use the method if they notice you are becoming ungrounded?

Some of these examples from above may overlap in each of the categories. It’s vital to start recognizing the tools you may already be using so you can enhance or add to them. 

How to begin using grounding skills

The biggest takeaway is to practice! The more you practice and build up the habit of engaging in the techniques, the more beneficial they will be. Here are some additional steps to engage in to perfect your calming abilities:

1. 1. 1. Start by picking at least 1 technique from each grounding style discussed above. If there are techniques you are already familiar with, it may be easier for you to start using them daily or weekly. Are there some grounding techniques you’ve never heard of or considered using? Get curious about what will work for you and the new suggestions you can use. Give yourself grace. Remember, if the grounding technique does not work the first time, that does not mean it’s ineffective, so don’t brush it off immediately. Instead, give it another go at a different time and see if there’s a change. You may find it helpful to practice the technique that didn’t work at first at a time that feels mildly overstimulated rather than highly triggered.

    

   1. 1. Pick a start time and practice the technique at least once or twice weekly. The sooner you become familiar with the method, the easier it can be to engage in it effectively. Explore times when it is easier for you to implement the grounding technique over other times. Why do you think this is? Why did you need the grounding technique? What was going on? Was the grounding technique matched to how escalated you were or to why you became escalated? For example, if you had racing thoughts, you might want to try a mental grounding technique, vs. if you’re at the start of a panic attack, you may want to try a physical grounding technique.

    

   1. 1. Rate your emotions before and after you engage in the grounding exercise, especially when having a very distressing or emotional experience. Don’t worry if you can’t apply this in the heat of the moment. Even if you reflect on your experience, rating your emotions will be helpful for future occurrences. You can use a 0-10 scale where 0 is the best you’ve felt, and 10 is the worst you’ve ever felt. Try using this scale when you feel grounded to help you gauge what feels comfortable or improves your mood even in that space. By doing this at baseline, you better determine the techniques that work best for you.

    

   1. 1. Journal your thoughts and reflections about the experience and how grounding helped you. What was most helpful? What was least helpful? What did you notice about your mind/body? What would you do the same? What do you want to change for the future?

    

   1. 1. If comfortable or appropriate, share the tools that best work with your partner or a loved one so they can help encourage or instruct you to engage in the technique. Self-disclosure like this is especially helpful if you are in a place of dissociation or dysregulation, where it can be harder to know what to do or remember what works.

    

   1. 1. Write the techniques on your phone, a small notebook, or an index card. Keep the methods that work for you close by so you can quickly read the tools without having to rack your brain to find something and cause more anxiety or distress.

    

Grounding is not the final part of your experience. It is best if you still go back to the event, task, or feeling to process it and figure out the warning signs, triggers, and valuable coping skills. The idea of grounding is to temporarily decrease emotional distress, help you distract or healthily detach from the emotions, and feel more present and aware of your mind, body, and inner dialogue. It’s there to help us anchor and come down from the escalation so we can return to the moment in a calmer, safer, and less distressing place. It can be helpful to start or share this practice with a trusted friend or therapist.

If you’d like to learn more about grounding techniques. Or learn a powerful and effective tool for coping with anxiety, distress, trauma, self-harm urges, and other intense emotional experiences; feel free to contact us at The Better You Institute at 267-495-4951. One of our trained therapists will help you on this journey!

Caitlin Siekerka, LPC, a Licensed Professional Counselor in Pennsylvania and New Jersey, is dedicated to guiding individuals on their path to finding meaning and purpose. She uses a compassionate, empathetic approach in therapy, helping clients achieve balance and develop coping skills. Specializing in depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, bipolar disorder, grief, trauma, life transitions, and substance use, Caitlin offers personalized therapy using techniques like CBT, DBT, and mindfulness. An LGBTQ+ ally, she creates a safe space for growth and exploration in Philadelphia. Caitlin holds a master’s in Counseling Psychology from Rosemont College, continually educating herself to provide the best support.

Learn more about Caitlin Siekerka ⇒

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