Clinically Reviewed By Nitasha Strait, Ph.D., M.Ed., MA, LMFT, CST
Are you struggling with sexual dysfunction? You’re not alone. Many people experience issues like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, pain during sexual activity, lack of lubrication, or difficulty reaching orgasm. These challenges can be deeply distressing, impacting your self-esteem, intimate relationships, and overall quality of life.
If you’ve researched solutions, you may have come across techniques like the stop-start method or mindfulness-based practices. While these approaches can be helpful, they often fall short when used in isolation. That’s where seeking services from a certified sex therapist comes in. As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I’ve developed an innovative, evidence-based approach that combines the best of both the stop/start and mindfulness techniques. Don’t let sexual dysfunction hold you back any longer – read this article and put into practice these techniques.*
*We recommend consulting a medical doctor before doing any of these exercises. This article is not meant to replace working with a professional.
Integrated Exercise: Regulating Sexual Arousal and Cultivating Mindfulness To Overcome Sexual Dysfunction
My integrative method blends the stop-start technique with targeted mindfulness exercises, offering a comprehensive solution to sexual issues. This powerful combination helps regulate arousal, enhance body awareness, and foster mindfulness during intimate moments. Many clients report increased sexual confidence and a deeper connection with their bodies as they progress through treatment. Whether you’re dealing with performance anxiety or other sexual concerns, this research-backed approach can help you reclaim a satisfying sex life.
Scaling Arousal Levels and Body Awareness Masturbation
Research suggests that individuals can benefit from scaling arousal levels and increasing body awareness during sexual activity. To begin, allocate time for solo sexual activity in a comfortable and relaxed environment. You will begin with phase 1, which is the assessment phase. Once you feel you have a number that is consistent with your regular sexual activity, move on to phases 2-5. You may have to repeat the phases. The goal of each phase is to feel confident in your abilities and gain insight into your body, NOT to orgasm.
Instructions
Phase 1: Assessment Phase This phase is purely for assessing and evaluating where you are at baseline. There are no wrong answers. You may have to do the assessment phase a few times, as the first couple of times may feel awkward or be a fluke. If you do the exercise 4-5x and take the average number, you should be good to go to the subsequent phases.
1. Start by scaling arousal levels on a scale from 0 (baseline, non-aroused) to 100 (orgasming).*
Physical signs of arousal: Notice when you feel blood flow to the genital area, when your penis feels as hard as it’s going to get, or your vaginal canal is more relaxed, the tissue is softer, and you maybe feel a throbbing.
1a. At what point on the scale would you say you get hard enough to insert inside of something? (maybe a 40 on the scale)
1b. When would you say you’re lubricated enough to have something go inside of you? (maybe a 20 on your scale)
1c. Where on the scale is best for staying there and having a plateaued sexual experience for a bit? (maybe a 60 on your scale)
1d. Are you at your point of no return (it doesn’t matter if grandma walks in on you, you’re going to have an orgasm)? (maybe an on your scale)
*Mark out on the scale in increments of 10-15 where you are in your arousal.
2. While focusing on the scale, practice mindfulness exercises to enhance body awareness.
Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and focus on sensations in your body, starting from your toes and moving upward. Notice any tension or sensations without judgment.
2a. Where do you notice the most pleasure?
2b. How are you touching yourself to achieve that pleasure? Slow/Fast, hard/soft, circular, patting/tapping…
3. As you engage in touching yourself, continue to scale arousal levels and maintain body awareness. Pay attention to how sensations change in response to stimulation and if your level of arousal (what number on the scale are you?) changes.
3b. If you notice you go out of your body and into your head (what’s for lunch today, am I doing this right, this is so stupid, a fantasy creeps in, etc.), note when this occurs by noting the number on the scale of arousal. This is the number you will work with.
It is helpful to repeat this assessment phase 4-5x to take an average number for the future phases.
In these next phases – be as in your body as possible. If you find yourself going into your head (as described above), stop the exercise and start over. Each phase should be done 4-5x before moving on to the next phase. To know you are done with one phase, you should be able to complete the task confidently and with no issues.
Phase 2:
- Take the number you got from 3b of phase 1 and keep that number in mind.
- Start exploring and touching yourself, just as you were the first time you did this scale.
- Get yourself to the number you identified you went into your head and out of your body from 3b in phase 1.
- Then go down from that number ~20 points on the scale.
- Come back up to your original number.
- Repeat the up/down for 4-5x.
- Be mindful of how you are touching yourself to go up and down. Does your speed change? Do you squeeze or tap harder/softer? Is your motion different?
- Stop. Do NOT orgasm.
If you start to go into your head and out of your body, stop touching yourself, get back to 0 on the scale of arousal, and then start the exercise over.
Phase 3:
- Take the number you got from 3b in phase 1 and keep that number in mind.
- Start exploring and touching yourself, just as you were the first time you did this scale.
- Get yourself to the number you identified you went into your head and out of your body from 3b
- Then go up from that number 20 points on the scale.
- Come back to your original number.
- Repeat the up/down for 4-5x.
- Be mindful of how you are touching yourself to go up and down. Does your speed change? Do you squeeze or tap harder/softer? Is your motion different?
- Stop. Do NOT orgasm.
If you start to go into your head and out of your body, stop touching yourself, get back to 0 on the scale of arousal, and then start the exercise over.
Phase 4:
- Get up to the same number you’ve been working with throughout these exercises.
- Now, jump up to 70 on the scale, go back down to your original number.
- Repeat the up/down 4-5x.
- Be mindful of how you are touching yourself to go up and down. Does your speed change? Do you squeeze or tap harder/softer? Is your motion different?
- Stop. Do NOT orgasm.
If you start to go into your head and out of your body, stop touching yourself, get back to 0 on the scale of arousal, and then start the exercise over.
Phase 5:
- Get to the same number you’ve been working with.
- Jump up to 70* on the scale. Stay there for as long as you’d like.
- Or whatever number is the ideal level of arousal for sexual intercourse to be enjoyable for everyone involved.
- Once you feel sexually satisfied and ready for the exercise to end, you may either stop here or increase your number to 100 and orgasm.
- You will allow yourself to orgasm when you want to and in your control!
- You should now have awareness for what type of touch brings you down in arousal and brings you up in arousal. Use this information for partnered sex.
Congratulations, you have just achieved orgasm when you wanted to, in total control of your body, and in your body, not your head!
The integrated exercise combining the Stop/Start Method with mindfulness offers a holistic approach to overcoming sexual dysfunction. By regulating arousal levels, increasing body awareness, and fostering communication with a partner, individuals can cultivate fulfilling sexual experiences. Research supports the effectiveness of scaling arousal levels and mindfulness practices in improving sexual function and satisfaction. With dedication and practice, individuals can reclaim their sexual well-being and enjoy a fulfilling sex life.
References:
1. Jern, P., & Santtila, P. (2010). Toward the integration of the stop‐start and squeeze techniques: A survey on the use of stimulus and timing in the treatment of premature ejaculation. Journal of Sex Research, 47(6), 530-537.
2. Brotto, L. A., Basson, R., & Luria, M. (2008). A mindfulness-based group psychoeducational intervention targeting sexual arousal disorder in women. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 5(7), 1646-1659.
