Hi Melissa, it sounds like you’re in a cycle of love-bombing with your ex, which makes sense why you’re asking yourself what is wrong with you. Remember, self-doubt is part of these cycles. Please reach out if you need extra support! 267-495-4951

Hi Teresa, Yes, they can be very difficult to be with. We are hopeful you are living a more peaceful life now that you’ve moved out.

Hi Andy, thank you for sharing your story! If you want to get extra support as you go through this, please do not hesitate to reach out! 267-495-4951

Hi Rhonie, we may be able to help you decide what is best for you and your future. Please reach out at info@thebetteryouinstute.com to set up a phone consultation!

I can so relate to this i’ve just split with a woman for the 40th time within a year, exhausted is an understatment, i have a constant twicth in my left eye and half the time what i type i look dyslexic or maybe i am i have no idea, had the push pull method at the beggining told she amd he husband was over as he was in the army, although when he came home brifly i was ghosted, and thought some thing was a miss and found messages that they never ended, so when i was driving her back from her uni, little did she know i had a good 2 hour converstation with her husband and pulled up to her house to get the truth, i left and felt i got of the merigoround then got messges from her husband saying he cheated first and that he was always gomma take the house and byding his time ect, she came round to mine saying i didnt know what he was like ect ect this was about 9 months ago and we got back together after that as i belived it, and found loads of stuff all through the year which i would be here forever to write, and with hiw exhasuted i am and how rubbish my spelling cones out it would proberly look like hyroglyth in the end, long story short i recently spoke to her ex again and had a 3 hour conversation this time, and found out she sent them messages of his phone while he was asleep, as she lies constantly even when proof is their and hets angry when found out and thats why we would break up all the time because of her lies and recently because of finding more lies i blocked her on every thing like i have done to stop all comunication, had takeaways deliverd to my house signed up for things on the internet, wpuld come round to my house bang on my door i would park my car in another street so she didnt know i was in, and after a week of that she come round and ripped my camera of the wall so i woukd respond, i really wish i just called the police as i rang and said i wanted money to be sent for the camrea she ripped of or am ringing the police, and she snaked her way around me again, and ive just blocked her again and its not gonna end until police are involved, i feel loads more relevied and happy when i have nothing to do with her, but she isnt ginna have that ☹

I feel so emotionally messed up. He’s been randomly sending me texts about how much he loves me after discarding me after 15 years of marriage. Saying all the things I wanted him to say then. Sometimes I actually think maybe we could be friends. What is wrong with me?

Hi Sherry! It’s apparent how much you love and care for your daughter and how concerned you are! These types of things are tricky because you don’t want to over-step and push away but you are worried that you may not be doing enough. Continuing to be a sounding board for her when she approaches you is always good. Continuing to build her up and let her know how great her future will be and that she is doing that on her own. Unfortunately, these things are complicated so it’s tough to say more without having more information. Please give us a call, we are happy to meet with you for a few sessions to help support you in supporting your daughter.

Lisa- thank you so much for your comment. We are honored to have the opportunity to bring some peace to those who have gone through this. Hopefully, we can work together to empower those who are impacted by love bombing!

Hi! I am a mom of 22 year old in a love bombing relationship. Any suggestions on how I can help her? She is kind of reaching out but does not answer text or calls when with him. She is living with him. Going to be a nurse in a year. So much ahead of her! Please advise!

Hi Consuela – We are so happy for you that you had a good experience with your partner! We can’t speak on DermalMD Vaginal Tightening Serum but wanted to stop by and say congrats!

Hi Miranda! Thank you for sharing everything that you did. Your question about loving someone who hurts you is a good starting point! While there isn’t a concrete answer to this as it’s different for everyone, we firmly believe that you can work to explore and understand this. Through answering this question for yourself, you can find your way to joy and happiness, however that may look for you. We are happy to help you in this exploration! Reach out at 267-495-4951 or info@thebetteryouinstitute.com

Hey Lisa! Wow, what an experience you had! It seems like you needed to write and cathart. If you need space for further processing, please reach out! We are here to help!

Hello –
Thank you for your comment 🙂 Love bombing is quite common, unfortunately! We are here to help you heal from that experience or manage co-parenting if you need!

Hello- Thank you for your comment. Relationships with narcissists can certainly be hard to navigate! We are here to offer you extra support in tough times if you need it!

Hi Mariam,
Thank you so much for reaching out! There is a variety of different reasons why a person may experience bleeding and pain during their first sexual experience. Please reach out and make an appointment with us to get an evaluation. You might also want to see your gynecologist or a pelvic floor physical therapist. Cheers!

Camille, CONGRATULATIONS!! Stepping into marriage is such an exciting time in people’s lives! We are so happy that our article was able to help you. Feel free to reach out if you have other questions/concerns about your big day and beyond.

Hi Kwin,
Thanks for your comment 🙂 Much like working out for the first time, sex can cause soreness and does not feel great. Without having more information, it’s hard to say exactly why you’re having pain during sex other than it was your first couple of times. As for your abdomen hurting, this may be caused by your partner hitting your cervix (which also causes pain during sex) where the pain can feel blunted in your abs. Feel free to reach out and schedule an appointment if you have more questions or are concerned, we’re happy to work with you to get things sorted out!

Hi Ella! We appreciate you reaching out! There are a few things that you can do to help reduce pain with penetration. We can walk you through the different stages of penetration using either you fingers or a set of dilators. Usually, this is a fairly quick process where we can get you feeling more conformation during sexual intercourse within three months. Your other option is going to a pelvic floor specialist where they can work with you to do exercises as well. Feel free to give us a call, 267-495-4951, to speak further about how we can help.

Hello! Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like this has been a very painful journey for you. Without having more information, it is difficult to say exactly what is going on. You may find it most helpful to get a gynecological exam to make sure everything is okay in your vaginal region. You can also make an appointment with one of our specialists to help you through this process. Feel free to give us a call – 295-4951-4951 to set up an appointment.

Hello. I’m 27 and still a virgin.However I made the decision few weeks ago to start having sex. My partner and I have tried about 4 to 5 times but he couldn’t penetrate. The pain for me was excruciating. I feel like there is something wrong cos we have tried everything. What else can be done to reduce the pain and also to enable him penetrate. I would appreciate a feedback. Thank you

Please I need help ,am 32yrs old virgin n getting married soon..but we av been trying to break the hymen for days now..and the pain keep coming…at first I thought it’s been broken wen I saw blood first day and he was able to enter..but now he’s trying to enter again but can’t cs it’s so painful for me… please need your advice

Hi Lily! Thank you for reaching out! Lubricant can be helpful in a lot of different scenarios. Its tough to say if it would help you in your situation without having more details. Since this seems like a physical issue, we recommend heading to your gynecologist and getting examined and hopefully getting some answers from them. We’re happy to work with you as well.

I actually have the same problem. I’m a 18 yo girl and when i try fingering myself or my partner trying to put in his penis, i end up with a torn fourchette (couldn’t enter a penis yet because of it) So my question is will a lubricant work to stretch my fourchette? Because there is no other problem than just that. It tears even with the slightest entrance of anything. I might add i can enter two of my fingers inside, if i try.

Hello! We emailed you back in response to this and your email. Looking forward to hearing back from you 🙂

Hey thank you for this post, it nice I went through it all.

Please am 25 turning 26 this year, am still a virgin and am very tight.

Actually waiting for my wedding night, but I and my boyfriend was making out and he tried using 1 finger. I was so uncomfortable and in so much pain.

Am scared because he is highly endowed down there, been checking round trying to get myself ready, for my wedding night.

I don’t know what to do, and he love sex am scared of the pains and how long it will last and if I can keep up with him, cuz I don’t want him to cheat on me because of my lack of experience or the pains I may feel and rather wanna take it slow too.

Please I will appreciate an email or a reply thank you so much.

Hi Jessi – thank you for reaching out! I’m hopeful that in this time you’ve been able to figure out what’s going on in regard to your pain during sex. However, if you haven’t been, it sounds like you may need to have a medical exam and an assessment done by a sex therapist. We’re happy to discuss this with you further during a free phone consultation. Reach out at 267-495-4951.

Hi Derek,
We’re so glad that this article was helpful for you. It sounds like you really want to help your son and give him the best! As a parent, it can be so difficult watching our children go through difficult experiences. We’re happy to speak to you over the phone to see if one of our clinicians would be a good fit for your son’s needs. Feel free to give us a call – 267-495-4951.

Hi Ammy,
Sorry to hear that! For help with this, we’re happy to get you scheduled with one of our therapists to work with you.

Hi Jenny,
Thank you for your comment! Pain, when that’s not what you’re going for in your world of pleasure, can be so frustrating! Getting your vulva, introitus, and vaginal canal ready for penetration can take time. Remember, your pelvic floor is a muscle, so you must work it out like any other muscle. I’d suggest working with a sex therapist or pelvic floor physical therapist who can guide you through dilator work. Specific exercises can help you address the pain. However, there may be something else going on that can be assessed by a sex therapist or a physical therapist.

I’m 21 years old and a virgin and going through the same problem. Penetration is really painful for me, only one finger can be inserted comfortably. When my boyfriend and I attempt penetration with 2 fingers and or his penis I experience pain, sort of a sharp tearing pain even though there’s no bleeding. We’ve been trying for a few months now with no success. How can I make this experience better for myself?

Hi Inez- No stupid questions here! Your child will have a few sessions individually. You may wait in our waiting room during these sessions, or because we’re all telehealth right now due to the pandemic you’d be offline. You will join for a few sessions. You may also have some of your own individual sessions with the therapist depending on how old your child is. We hope that helps, feel free to give us a call if you have more questions!

We’d be happy to discuss with you more information via a phone consultation – 267-495-4951. However, we are not medical doctors and we cannot touch our clients or view any of their genitalia. A gynecologist or a pelvic floor physical therapist would be the best person to have the woman go and get an examination from so they can assess more clearly. Without more information, it’s hard to give you details of what’s happening. Vulva’s and vaginal canals are all so unique.

Okay so Ill try to explain it differently… This (inexperienced) girl I had sex with, her fourchette area sometimes looks bloody fleshlike
but if I touch it theres no blood there. And its not a teat or it doesnt bleed

so

I was curious why does that happen?

and after some googling I found out that
it might be a sign that she was sexually abused or had her hymen torn some months before if her fourchette looks like that

Sooooo thats why Im asking you if you could talk about this more

Hello! We are happy to try to help the best we can; however, we’re not sure what you’re asking? If bleeding continues during sex, your partner should get an examination. A Tear in the frenulum (fourchette) area is typically caused by giving birth but can be caused by rough or unlubricated intercourse.

So i was wondering if you could help me out or give an opinion about this? Thanks

Hi Stephanie! Thank you for coming to our page and reading! Your body needs time to get used to having sex. You may want to do positions that do not go as deep (i.e. missionary vs. doggy). You may also want to use lubricant rather than spit. The bleeding could be several things, one might be that your hymen is still somewhat in contact. A quick examination of your vulva area with a mirror will give you more insights as to what is still down there. Feel free to set up a phone consultation to see if sex therapy could benefit you!

So i am 21 and lost my virginity to my best friend. I have had sex with him three times already and I have bled each time. We have had rough sex but im usually wet when we have sex or he will spit to make me wetter. The last time we had sex i bled a ton i stained the whole bed but thats when he fingered me a lot and very hard. Am i nleeding because maybe i did not pop my cherry the first time or because im still nee to sex? Also that time we spent a while doing doggy style. Idk why im bleeding so much. It wont hurt only before he puts it all in and then it feels fine.

Hi Amber! Thank you for your encouraging words! Yes, change can happen and vaginal pain does not have to define a person’s sex life! Too often we hear the exact same story that you presented – they were told sex was going to hurt, that it was bad for you, that you’d get pregnant or an STI – all scare tactics that lays out an unfortunate foundation that sex is not pleasurable. We are honored in helping people like yourself learn how to take pleasure from their sex life, that their body is a true wonderland full of exotic nuances to learn and enjoy.

I had a really poor sexual education to the point where I was afraid of my body and had severe penetration anxiety which is likely what caused my Vaginismus in the first place. I was terrified that losing my virginity was going to be the most painful thing I’d ever experience and this was because my mother told me this. She was afraid of me losing my virginity at a young age so she used scare tactics and gave me horrible anxiety about intercourse.

I did 6 months of physical therapy at 23 when I was finally diagnosed but I was still afraid to be penetrated by anything bigger than my dialator set. I was even afraid of the dialator set causing me pain to be honest.

I’m here to tell those of you suffering from this horrible condition that it will be okay! Don’t give up on yourself because you may feel abnormal, sometimes for me it felt like the end of the world. Like I was messed up and I’d be so depressed about it. If you have anxiety over intercourse don’t let it get you down because you can get through it! I believe in you!

Hi Michelle! Thank you for reaching out. Being sore after your first time having sexual intercourse is normal. However, having a bright red spot isn’t typical. You may want to get checked out by your primary care doctor or obgyn if the problem persists.

Hello! Thank you for your comment. You are correct, appropriate lubrication is super important, however, that’s not the whole story. The reality is that your girlfriend will be using her pelvic floor muscles in a new way. She can do some exercises on her own, or the two of you can do some together where you’re working to help her pelvic floor muscles get used to the new way in which they are being used. Safety and trust are also super important in this new endeavor that the two of you are embarking on. Create a dialogue between the two of you in that establishes safety and helps each of you vocalize your worries and hopes. Please feel free to reach out for more help or maybe an educational session around this issue!

Thank you for reaching out! It sounds like you’re really motivated to decrease your pain. The fact that you’re using lubrication is good, but asking yourself why you are not getting properly lubricated could give you some answers. Also, it seems like there is some emotional/mental processes happening for you outside of the physical lack of lubrication. Some things we encourage you to ask yourself: are you wanting to have sex for you or for your partner, do you feel safe with this partner, what are my expectations of sex and how does these expectations impact my bodily responses, after I have sex with my partner what will happen, etc. We’re happy to discuss with you in more detail via a phone call or session with one of our clinicians.

Hi Sofia,
Thank you for taking the time to read our article, we hope you found it helpful! We’re excited for you that you have been able to get 2 fingers comfortably! It’s tough to give advice without fully knowing all of the details. When you say you are “turned on” do you mean fully lubricated and your vaginal muscles are totally relaxed enough for insertion? If so, the size difference between 2 and 3 fingers may be too much and you’ll need to find something in between them to exercise with first. We emphasize being properly lubricated and making sure that your muscles are relaxed. You may want to try the diaphragmatic breathing while working to move up in size from the size that is comfortable.

Hi Layla,
We’re so glad that this was a helpful article for you! Thank you for your comment. We agree the information presented here isn’t just for the therapeutic relationship but all relationships. Keep checking back here for more helpful articles! Cheers!

Hi Joan,
What you’re going through must be so tough! It sounds like you’re very motivated for change and have tried your best at finding the right resources for your issue. We’re happy to try to work with you from a sex therapy perspective, call us today at 267-495-4951 to see how we might be able to help. We also suggest maybe trying a pelvic floor physical therapist. Warm regards!

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read this article and comment. There are many reasons as to why someone might experience pain during penetration. The pelvic floor muscles do need to be worked out in such a way that they become used to penetration. There are some folx that experience pain from the hymen stretching back. We wanted to be inclusive of all possible issues that could cause someone pain.

Hello! Hymen is not a myth, check out our other tip about the female genitalia or our masturbation tip You may find these helpful during your painful time. We’d love to be able to help. Please give us a call at 267-495-4951.

Hello! Thank you for your comment. Please feel free to reach out to our Founder, Nitasha, at 267-495-4951 to discuss further the questions you posed in your comment. Cheers!

Happy to help in any way we can! Thank you for your comment.

Thank you for your advice!

We are happy to help! Thank you for your continued reading.

We are happy you are enjoying our articles! Thank you for your continued reading.

Best regards,
William

Hello! Thank you so much for reaching out. We would love to share our operation techniques with you. Feel free to email us at info@thebetteryouinstitute.com where we’d be happy to answer any of your questions. Cheers!

Thank you for reaching out! We hope you found the email we sent you to be helpful. Best, The Better You Institute

In summary: All men should be considerate of their partners and take special care if their partner is a virgin, but for men who are well-endowed / large, extra care might be required. Your partner’s full arousal and ample lubrication are an absolute MUST to minimize potential pain during first sex (and all sex) and to also minimize any delayed-onset symptoms as I described (such as swelling and inflammation). Some positions might need to be avoided (such as “doggy-style”), at least in the beginning because the penetration in these positions can be too deep for comfort and tend to give the women less control over what is happening.
As the author noted, for women, pain at first intercourse cannot always be avoided but it can usually be minimized and pain does not prevent the experience of pleasure. And it is possible to experience both at the same time!